By Tony Casson
McDonald’s, masturbation, pornography, and prison–no one eats there, nobody does it, no one looks at it, and nobody did it. Yeah…
Prior to surrendering at Oakdale, while spending some absolutely wonderful time at my sister Kathy’s home in Virginia, Kathy and I would watch a little afternoon TV.
One afternoon, Oprah came on and her show was all about the dramatic increase in the number of women who viewed pornographic material. Continue reading “Failing At Freedom”
By Tony Casson
I did not wake up for about 24 hours, and when I did, I was in the intensive care unit, and I was conscious for just a moment, long enough to be aware that I was still alive, that I was connected to all sorts of machines, that there was something stuck down my throat, and my hands were encased in these really soft, really thick gauze mittens. Continue reading “Evil is Seductive: Part 5”
“Lights out”
The tears that stain my pillow Only fall at night, When I am in the darkness And out of others’ sight.—
I pray for the forgiveness Of my daughter, and my son, And for determination To fight this till it’s done.—
The loneliness that settles in When I should be asleep, I ward off with a prayer For my soul the Lord to keep.—
The darkness that I do feel now Is just the one at night And not the one that took my soul When out of others’ sight.—
Perhaps the tears that fall will stop And one night sleep will come. My pillow, dry for sleeping, My fighting, finally done. ~ Tony Casson, 2010By Tony Casson
I know I asked God to look after my mother, and I thanked him for giving her to me. I also asked him to look after my children, and thanked him again.
Apologizing for being less of a human than I should have been, I then asked him for forgiveness.
I prayed for all of the people who looked up to me–who respected me–who loved me, and would now feel betrayed by and disappointed in me. Continue reading “Evil is Seductive: Part 4”
By Tony Casson
“When you look long into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you.” ~F. Nietzsche
The image of myself in the mirror was blurred by my tears, but I could see where the sharp edges of the razor blades touched my skin.
Time, damn it! Time! I was running out of time! Continue reading “Evil is Seductive: Part 3”
Readers,
After five months, The Oakdale Chronicles is beginning to get…a bit dusty. The posts are starting to collect, and organization is on the fritz!
So, to help readers, new and old, better navigate my father’s posts, I have made a minor change. To the right of the screen, you will see a “Categories” section, and underneath are “Side Story”, “Volume 1” and “Volume 2”. I’m breaking my father’s story into volumes, just like he would in a normal book.
If you would like to view the earlier posts (i.e. from April, when he first entered Oakdale), click on “Volume 1”. This prevents the daunting task, especially for new readers, of having to click back to older pages and do a manual search for specific posts.
This is certainly just a small change. As per the usual, I’m pretty busy, but I’ll do what I can to improve the readability of the blog.
If you have any ideas or comments, please click here.
Thank you!
Anthony Casson
By Anthony Casson
An English lit. course evokes a deep feeling of creativity, a desire to pour out one’s feelings. But do not think this because of beautiful conversation, the cool focus of 20 students, or dissipation of shadows heeding to what could possibly become an intensely pleasant afternoon in the Willamette Valley in Oregon. No, definitely not.
Instead, my cause for writing comes at a time where the heat grows uncomfortable; the 20 students’ focus lies not on the professor–leading conversations about a “wandering Jew”–but on the glossy screens of their iPhones. I do not wish to pay attention to discussing The Monk. I wish to look back at what readers care about, my father. Continue reading “Finally, a happy post”
By Tony Casson
It took a moment for the reality of the situation to sink in. I had known for about a year and a half that the FBI would come for me sooner or later (more on that another time), but now that they were here and once it HAD sunk in, I did an about-face and returned to my room.
Fortunately for me–at least that’s the way I felt at the moment–no one saw me, as their attention was focused on the motel office where they must have determined I was going to be at that time, on that day. Continue reading “Evil is Seductive: Part II”
By Tony Casson
August 18, 2009 began for me pretty much like any other day in recent memory. I had just returned from dropping off the dirty linens from the tiny, rundown motel where I worked and lived.
It was a typical day in south Florida for that time of year. It was warm early, the sun was shining, and I was looking forward to finishing my “tour of duty” at the front desk and enjoying the day. Perhaps a little afternoon kayaking, a hobby I had taken up about a month earlier and taken an immediate liking to.
After I had returned from dropping off the laundry, I walked to my room at the other end of the parking lot to do something, I’m not sure what. I had moved into unit #4 a couple of months earlier after my siblings and I had sold our parents’ house, where I had lived since December 2004.
I had moved into their house in December. “Pop” (our step-father) had a stroke the day after Thanksgiving while visiting one of my sisters and it was felt that they needed some help if they were to continue living in their own home. It worked out that I was available to move in and help, and I did exactly that for several years until they both passed away within months of one another–9 weeks to be exact–earlier in 2008. Selling their home had caused me to move into the motel I had worked at, which was inherited by a neighbor and his sister when their Mother was hit by a car crossing the busy street in front of the motel. I had decided to stay there until I could decide a new course of action.
Finishing whatever it was I had gone to my room to do, I walked out the door and turned the corner to cross the parking lot and return to the office, roughly 80-feet away.
As I turned that corner, I noticed activity at the other end of the lot, in front of the office. Apparently, a couple of vehicles had pulled in while I had been in my room and I noticed several people moving about. On the backs of two of the jackets, I noticed the letters “FBI”.
I knew then that a new course of action was about to unfold, and I also knew it would not be pleasant for me, my friends, or my family.
The FBI had come to arrest me, and I was about to let down everyone I had ever known or loved…
(To be continued…..)
By Anthony Casson
Engineering internships remind me of Office Space–tight work areas, coffee (lots of coffee), and mouses clicking, maybe a little TPS action from time to time. But instead of having an enclosed space of my own, I settled for a desk with a forward facing wall, smack in the middle of the room.
Most days passed with little to no excitement: I received tech writing jobs, Excel document maintenance gigs, and opportunities to rush to the kitchen to pound a Diet Coke. The highlight of my day was usually lunch–Subway or Whole Foods? Either way, it was usually scorching hot outside, and long-lasting shadows appeared beneath my armpits during each stroll for a meal.
This was my summer 2009. Oh what a joy. But late August, days before my birthday, “shit hit the fan.” Continue reading “What you’re about to read…is pain”
The Oakdale Chronicles 