Author: Tony Casson

" For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT)

A NECESSARY INTRUSION (Part 2) – SUMMIT FEVER CLOSER TO SEA LEVEL

On By Tony CassonIn A Necessary IntrusionLeave a comment

By Tony Casson

“They preach with selfish ambition, not sincerely, intending to make my chains more painful to me.” Philippians 1:17b NLT

“All ambitions are lawful except those which climb upwards on the miseries or credulities of mankind.” Joseph Conrad

History has taught us that just because our government embraces a particular course of action doesn’t mean it will always prove to be the most prudent one to take. Many mistakes have been made in this country’s relatively short lifetime that could have been avoided with better information, more thought, less emotion and a greater concern for humanity. Personal ambition and desire for financial gain have also factored into these decisions. Lives have been destroyed; lives have been lost; homes and possessions of many innocent people have been forfeited and immeasurable pain and suffering have been inflicted. And all because someone was quick to paint a target on a particular group or cause and was able to point the emotion of this nation at that target. It was then easy to let loose our considerable resources with the single-minded objective of destroying it. This objective was usually met, although often with unpleasant, embarrassing or disastrous consequences later on.

Examples can be found going back to the earliest footsteps of our forefathers upon the soil in which are now anchored the flagpoles that proudly fly the greatest symbol of freedom and fairness the world has ever known. However, it was soil that was taken from a native people whose home it had been long before the first “civilized” steps were walked on it.

From the original oppression of Native Americans to slavery, from segregation to the Japanese-American internment camps of World War II and the national embarrassment of McCarthyism in the 1950’s, targets have been selected and groups singled out to be relegated to a class of people who are to be feared and reviled.

Far too many of those in power use the fear, ignorance and complacency of those they “serve” to carve paths to their own personal summits, climbing over or walking around the bodies of those they destroy on that path to the top. Our short history is too full of examples of the new lows to which people will descend in their efforts to reach new highs in personal recognition, power and financial gain.

Nowhere is this more evident than in the “war on crime” that was begun in the 1970s and still rages to this day. Millions of lives have been ruined and countless families have been sentenced to something less than the “American Dream” because we have allowed those who profit from other people’s pain to create the “American Nightmare.”

A prison industrial behemoth has been created in this country. It has put untold billions of dollars into the pockets of individuals and corporations wily enough to take advantage of the very windfalls they themselves helped to create. The American public blessed this beast as necessary to calm their fears; fears that are sustained by media that surrounds us and inundates our daily lives with shocking stories of murder, mayhem and man’s inhumanity to man. Highly paid and practiced individuals put a “spin on sin” that sends Americans running into their homes and locking their doors in the sure knowledge that rape, robbery or death await them on the other side.

The simple truth is that the average American lives a life untouched by crime from unknown sources. The closest most people ever get to criminal or unlawful activity is through their own actions or those of a family member. Speeding, running a stop sign, drinking and driving, and abusing prescription medications are just a few examples. Much of the crime reported in this country is domestic in nature. This does not mean that a person beating their spouse is not criminal. This does not mean that a person sexually abusing a member of their family is not a criminal. This does not mean that a person shaking a child who won’t stop crying is not breaking the law.

All it means is that we are more likely to face dangers or be exposed to criminal behavior by a person known to us than by a stranger.

Unfortunately, because we are so influenced by the internet, television, radio and newspapers, the criminal behavior that we are deluged with around the clock has us convinced that the monster is lurking just outside the doors.

Our prisons are full or people incarcerated for drug-related offenses. Many of their offenses occur in the poverty-stricken areas of our cities. The average American never gets near those areas so there is little to fear. If you do visit those areas to feed your own bad habits, then locking your door at home will not keep you out of harm’s way. Billions are being spent on a war that no one wants to win, although many jobs and many fortunes are dependent upon keeping Americans convinced otherwise. Legislators on the state and national level have wasted billions upon billions of dollars fighting the combined wars on crime and drugs. Prosecutors and juries have aggressively backed them up by sending those taken prisoner in those wars to institutions throughout this country. In 1980, the population of the U.S. was roughly 226.5 million people. In 2010, census figures placed the number at roughly 308.5 million for an increase of 82 million citizens, or roughly 36%. In the same timeframe, the prison population has grown from approximately 350,000 to over 2.1 million. That’s an astonishing increase of 600%.

These figures should sound a warning to sensible Americans everywhere. There is an explanation for this massive growth, but it is not the one that those who put the “spin on sin” would have us believe. The explanation is no more complicated than “summit fever closer to sea level,” as thousands of individuals seek financial profit, career advancement or both, locking up the prisoners of those wars that no one wants to win.

It is true that criminal behavior needs to be dealt with and there are many honest, hard-working diligent individuals who do their part to capture and punish those who step outside the boundaries of decency that society establishes. That said, it is also true that far too many profit or advance their careers from the incarceration of the very individuals they capture and prosecute.

The wars have been expanded now to include a crime that any decent moral person would find detestable and indefensible. I include myself among those who find it thus, even as I serve my sentence for being guilty of it. I speak, of course, about the possession of child pornography.

This crime affects us all, not just those who have been caught and labeled as “monsters.” Just like a California wildfire fanned by the Santa Ana winds jumps across a road or ravine, it jumps across all levels of our society. Just as any virus experienced by mankind, it spreads with the same lack of concern for who it infects. In fact, its spread has reached “epidemic” proportions as one federal prosecutor puts it.

Those whose job it is to put a “spin on sin” will tell you that this “epidemic” is being fought aggressively by the United States government. In actuality, in their efforts to catch the guilty, the United States government is actually perpetuating the spread of both the vile, disgusting images themselves as well as the destruction their possession wreaks not just upon the guilty, but upon the innocent as well – including the very victims of child sexual abuse who are the subject matter in those images.

I will explain how this could possibly be when I begin “Unwinding the Spin on Sin.”

More to follow tomorrow…

A NECESSARY INTRUSION – Part 1

On By Tony CassonIn A Necessary Intrusion3 Comments

By Tony Casson

“God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied.”     Matthew 5:6 NLT

“Few consider how much we are indebted to government, because few can represent how wretched mankind would be without it.”     Joseph Addison

Jus-tice (jus’ tis) n. 1. Moral rightness; equity 2. Fairness.

“Buried in the Sky” is a book written by Peter Zuckerman and Amanda Padoan. The cover of the book says it is “The Extraordinary Story of the Sherpa Climbers on K2’s Deadliest Day.” It most assuredly lives up to its billing and is well worth anyone’s time spent reading it.

For those not familiar with K2, it is the tallest peak in the Karakorum range of mountains. It rises from the earth 28,251 feet on the border of Pakistan and China. K2 is second only to Mt. Everest, which lies 882 miles to the southeast. Although the summit of K2 is “over seven” hundred feet lower than Everest, K2 has proven over time to be a much deadlier mountain and has claimed a significantly higher percentage of the lives of those who have attempted to reach its summit than those who have attempted Everest.

The book centers on the Sherpa climbers who guide individuals and teams from all over the world as they pursue their single-minded objective of standing where so few have stood before. While the book describes the events that surrounded the loss of 11 lives in early August of 2008, it is full of vivid background on the history of the two mountains, the regions in which they lie and especially the people who inhabit those areas and risk – and give – their lives as porters and guides on those expeditions to the top of the world.

I am certainly not a mountaineer but I purchased the book to learn a little more about an activity that my beloved son has expressed an interest in. If his interest grows to the point that he attempts to climb the likes of Everest and K2, all I can say is, “I will kill you if you die up there.”

In my quest for knowledge as a father who loves his child and wants to learn about the things that interest him, I was stunned and exhilarated and sobered by the lives – and deaths – of the people who risk it all for that moment when the summit is reached and their eyes behold the view that so few can claim to have seen.

In the process, I encountered a story which made me think that perhaps some of the pursuers of those lofty goals are so fixated on their own personal pursuit that their obligation to other human beings is forgotten. This particular story is told about an incident that took place on the “other” mountain – Everest – in 2006.

A 34-year-old man had summited Mt. Everest and experienced his moment looking down at the rest of the world. As mountaineers say when they reach the summit, “You’re only halfway.” Now you have to go back down and while it surely must be easier, it is safe to say it is not easy.

When this man was still about 800 feet above the closest camp, he collapsed with exhaustion. Still attached to the fixed line, he was in need of assistance or he would surely die.

Mt. Everest is extremely popular among climbers. In a recent television news report, two hundred were lined up to make their way to the summit, so it is a fairly well-traveled route as mountains go. According to the story in the book, as many as forty individuals walked past this man on the day he lay there in need of assistance. None were willing to stop and help him back down to camp because it would have put an end to the pursuit of their own moment standing on the highest point on this planet. The window to reach the summit is open only for short periods of time and the cost is an enormous one: from $30,000 to $120,000 per individual. Some have saved – others have corporate sponsors whose reward is a picture of the climber wearing, or displaying, their product on the top of the world. Surely some of them thought, “Someone else will take care of him. It is not my responsibility.” There was a lot at stake to risk it on any display of humanity.

By the time the first party had summited and returned to where the man had collapsed, he was dead. Surely he was aware that people had died before him, even on the way down. More have died since. He was doing something dangerous and he died doing it. But he died because all those who passed  him ignored his needs as a result of their own “summit fever.” Their own need to reach the pinnacle of mountain climbing success was greater than saving another human being. After all, he did it to himself, didn’t he?

They all later claimed not to have seen him at all or to have thought he was just resting. Possibly true in a few cases. Probably not in all. But it was “just” a life lost. It was also easy to not consider the man’s family. They were not there and the pain and emptiness, the loss, will not be seen by those who clamored to reach the top.

Those ambitious men and women unknowingly made a statement from high above the rest of the earth. That statement said simply, “My goal, on my terms, at any cost.”

And so it is, back down here where the majority of us live and die. People closer to sea level also set lofty goals and are ambitious and, for many of them, the statement is the same. “My goal, on my terms, at any cost.” If the cost is the destruction of human lives, even when the cause is “honorable,” if the destruction is preventable and is not prevented, then the victims may as well be high up on the side of a mountain because the ones ignoring them are in the throes of their own brand of “summit fever.”

The primary responsibility of any government should be the protection of its citizens. First and foremost should be protection from foreign powers and influences trying to do harm. Secondly, there is a responsibility to keep us safe from groups or individuals within this country who endanger the safety and welfare of the general population. Thirdly is the government’s responsibility to protect its citizens from themselves, where possible, when doing so clearly benefits the greater good.

There are those who speak out against some of these laws and regulations. But sometimes these intrusions are necessary for the greater benefit of all and ultimately save lives, families and – of course – money. These intrusions include seatbelt laws, helmet laws for both motorcycles and bicycles, speed limits, drinking ages, and on and on. Intrusions that are irritating to some, perhaps, but are generally seen as necessary intrusions that benefit the greater good.

So finally, after taking you on a journey up the two highest mountains on earth and back down again, I am ready to tell you about a different kind of “summit fever” right down here where most of us live – and die – and why it is time for “A NECESSARY INTRUSION.”

More to follow tomorrow…

A CALL FOR COURAGE

On By Tony CassonIn A Sex Offender Like Me, Volume 32 Comments

By Tony Casson

“Seek to do what is right” Zephaniah 2:3b NLT

“Courage is that virtue which champions the cause of right.” Cicero

Those who choose to serve the public are often confronted with unpleasantness and difficult decisions. Oftentimes those decisions, in order that they be correct ones which benefit society as a whole rather than one small segment of it, must fly in the face of public sentiment.

The issue of child pornography is a highly volatile, emotionally charged one, but where it is the right of parents to be emotional where children are concerned, it is the DUTY of those who serve the public to look beyond the raw emotion and examine the full impact of the decisions they must make regarding how to deal with the issue on all of its complex levels.

The United States Sentencing Commission (U.S.S.C.) is considering changes to the sentencing guidelines relating to many issues. Possession of child pornography is one of them. As distasteful as this whole business is, it has become a plague upon this nation that cannot be ignored. The U.S.S.C. is accepting public comment on this topic. I encourage all who read this to offer their own opinion in the matter, regardless of what that opinion may be. My own letter to them follows so that my opinions, and the basis for them, may be known.

You can visit cautionclick.com for more information and to obtain contact addresses. The deadline is July 23rd.

Here, then, is my letter:

To Whom It May Concern:

I would think that the volume of letters containing arguments both for and against the reduction of sentences for possession of child pornography is formidable. With the following words, I shall try to do my part to help turn the tide in favor of compassion, common sense, and commitment to working towards a sensible approach to dealing with the epidemic that has gripped our nation and threatens to squeeze the very life out of it.

My name is Tony Casson and I am a 58 year old man who has served 28 months in federal prison in Oakdale Louisiana for possession of child pornography. With ‘only’ 23 months remaining, I am considered to be one of the ‘lucky’ ones. Most of the men who occupy space here with me for similar charges have longer -some MUCH longer- sentences to serve.

None are more aware than those who serve on this commission that there is no empirical data or substantive reason to support the length of sentences imposed upon those convicted of the crime of possession of child pornography. The public outcry against men like me is justifiable on a purely emotional level. All of the anger that is directed at those who would sexually abuse and exploit a child and then exacerbate that abuse by making a digital record to forever preserve the pain, humiliation, and horrific loss of innocence is brought to bear on those who would willingly participate in the abuse by viewing and possessing those digital records.

On the surface, this would seem fair. I certainly cannot put any ‘spin’ on child pornography that will make it anything less than the horrible permanent record of innocence stolen and child sexual abuse that it is.

At the same time, it is evident to many that the wholesale incarceration of anyone and everyone who has downloaded images of this abuse is as wrong and misguided as the abuse itself.

The merciless mass jailing of ever-increasing numbers of those who possess child pornography without first affording them ANY opportunity at redemption is inconsistent with what justice should stand for in this great nation of ours. In fact, many on the commission and in the courtrooms of this country realize this. It is now time to send a strong public message to Congress that their insistence on condemning tens of thousands of otherwise hard-working, contributing members of society to destroyed lives, broken families and bleak futures will ultimately create a problem with more disastrous consequences than the problem of possession of child pornography itself.

Many victims of child sexual abuse captured in digital images that circulate on the Internet have been identified by the authorities. They all have names. They are all living, breathing human beings. They have all been severely mistreated and they are ALL deserving of all of the physical, mental, and spiritual help that they require as they struggle to put things back into a perspective that might give them peace and dignity and restore their self-esteem and their ability to trust and live normal, happy lives. They are entitled to see those who perpetuated the abuse and produced the record of it be dealt with severely.

Those whose lives are destroyed by curiosity or an addiction to pornography that leads them down this well-travelled road of looking at images that shouldn’t exist in the first place – those individuals all have names as well. And so do their children, their spouses, their mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters.

Their names are Stanley, who received 25 years for receipt, possession, and distribution of child pornography. The FBI showed up at Stanley’s house looking for a computer that Stanley had bought for his 12 year old grandson. In a misguided attempt to protect his grandson, Stanley laid claim to the computer and all that it contained, thinking that he might get a year or two in prison. His prosecutor said that they were going to ‘make an example’ of Stanley. They ‘stacked’ his charges and sentenced him to 25 years. Stanley is now 61 tears old and has been incarcerated for 7 years. During those 7 years, Stanley has had a quadruple bypass and a stroke. Stanley’s wife has cancer and emphysema and will most likely not survive until the end of Stanley’s sentence. But that’s ok, because it is highly unlikely that Stanley himself will live to the end of it. While Stanley had a few scrapes with the law during his younger, friskier days, he lived a quiet existence for 30 years before this epidemic of indecency invaded his home, destroyed him, took all he had worked a lifetime for and condemned those who love him to live without him.

Their names are also Jason, who is 20 years old and a recent arrival, sentenced to serve 7 years. Jason has been addicted to pornography since he was 13 years old. Back then, they were his peers he was looking at. At 20, it is a crime punishable by 7 years in prison, labeling as a sex offender, and a future destroyed.

Their names are Ken, 29, sentenced to 17 1/2 years because he went to trial and lost and that angers ‘them’. He is a father, a son, a brother, and a business owner.

Their names are Rob, sentenced to 9 years. Rob is 47, a homeowner, a father, an uncle, a brother, and was a long-time employee of an airline.

Their names are Aaron, 32, sentenced to 6 years. He is a very smart man who did a very stupid thing. His daughter is growing up without him but but she loves him and is waiting for Daddy to come home.

Their names are Derek, 29, sentenced to 9 years. His mom passed away recently. They were very close. He is a former member of the Air Force and is a talented artist.

Their names are Rob, 56, a retired naval officer with years of service to his country, doing jobs he can’t even discuss. He was sentenced to 5 years for fragments of images found on unallocated space on his hard drive by NCIS. He is a father, a husband and has given this country more than most of us can imagine.

Their names are also Pete, 62, 15 years; Ben, 28, 9 years; Steve, 68, 7 1/2 years; Michael, Randy, Dave, Jesse, Phillip, Alan, Floyd, and the list goes on and on and on.

What were we thinking? Obviously, we were not thinking at all. We were, for the most part, wrapped up in a cloud of confusion where decency was not allowed to enter and common sense was left outside. We all acted as if we were devoid of the intelligence, the heart, and the morality that God gave us. We were all caught up in something immature, irresponsible, and reprehensible. Our punishments, however, far exceed anything that begins to make sense or contribute to solving this terribly invasive problem that has reached into more households in this country than we can possibly imagine.

Congress must stop making laws that act as an emotional salve and are designed to gain favor and votes. Congress must start looking for answers and those answers do NOT lie within the confines of a razor-wire enclosure. The answers are not in a sex offender registry that hides those who need watching in the midst of those who need God.

Somewhere, the courage to stand up and say, “STOP!” must be found by someone who is truly looking out for the PUBLIC good. This frightening trend of locking away this country’s future must be reversed. At risk of losing votes, Congress must stand up for what is right, not for what is easy. Congress must look for solutions to build a healthier country, not for stepping stones to a brighter political future.

In his book, “Profiles In Courage”, John F. Kennedy wrote, “It may take courage to battle one’s President, one’s party, or the overwhelming sentiment of one’s nation; but these do not compare, it seems to me, to the courage required of the senator defying the angry power of the very constituents who control his future.”

May God Himself guide all of you and give you the courage to address this horrible thing that eats at us and to recognize that incarcerating people, while it may make good business, does not make good sense.

Let us seek, resolution, not retribution. Let us fix something that is broken and not just discard it. Let us save families, not destroy them.

I thank you for your time.

If you publish this letter, as you have so many in the past, there is no need to redact my name. I have made things right with God and He and I know that I am not what some would have society think.

We are not all monsters. Most of us are men who made mistakes.

Sincerely,
Anthony E, Casson
91153-004 A-1
Box 5000
FC!
Oakdale, La 71463

The Son, He Lives

On By Tony CassonIn Side StoryLeave a comment

It’s incredible seeing the amount of traffic TOC is getting, even when nothing is being posted. Thank you all for reading my dad’s posts!

I don’t remember the last time I wrote for TOC — how sad. But this place is about my dad, not me. It continues to grow, and he continues to write. I’m off job-hunting and feeling life’s path.

These days I’m in Oregon, working for my alma mater (Oregon State University) temporarily. I’m spending weekends climbing mountains and running long distances on Northwest trails. But I’m never too busy to respond to questions.

Having a family member in prison is difficult to endure. We ask ourselves questions — most of which we cannot answer. That’s what friends are for.

If there’s something you wish to ask me, don’t hesitate. I’m here: anthony.casson at gmail dot com

Forgive the odd address. It’s to (help) save me from spammers.

Cheers,

Anthony

“I Am Grateful , Too”

On By Tony CassonIn Volume 31 Comment

“And always be thankful.” – Colossians 3:15c NLT

“Older men declare war. But it is youth that must fight and die. And it is youth who must inherit the tribulation, the sorrow and the triumphs that are the aftermath of war.” –                            Herbert Hoover

Near Menlo, Iowa lies a large boulder with the following inscription on it:

“They lost legs & I walk.   They lost minds & I think.   Sometimes they lost their lives & I live.    I am grateful.”

      The boulder is called “Freedom Rock” and it is painted each year with patriotic themes by Ray “Bubba” Sorenson. This year, he was going to honor his uncle on one of the panels. But he painted a tribute to a young man named Taylor Morris instead.

      I read about this in the May 28, 2012 edition of the Des Moines Register. It was there, on the front page, where I met 23-year-old Taylor Morris.

      In a bomb blast in Kandahar Province, Afghanistan, Mr. Morris lost his right leg at the knee, his left leg at mid-thigh, his right arm at the wrist and his left arm at the elbow. How his major organs were spared is a miracle. But the article states that the young man is determined to move on with his life. He is still a patient at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center near Washington, D. C.

      The article was accompanied by three photographs that brought me to tears and will haunt me for some time to come.

      There is a website established in his name (www.taylormorris.org) as well as one at Caring Bridge. I cannot visit them but perhaps some of you will stop in and offer words of thanks and encouragement to this young man who gave more than any country has a right to ask.

      His mother, Juli Morris, has kept an online journal for her son. Perhaps you can find her and offer her support and thanks.

      Two of the photographs show Taylor as he is today and they will take your heart and squeeze it as you see him working on sitting up with the assistance of a therapist in one and “holding” a water bottle and drinking from it as he lies in his hospital bed in the other.

      The third photograph shows a smiling Taylor shaking the hand of his proud father, Dan, on the day he graduated from Navy training to become an explosive ordinance disposal technician.

      As a father, I can feel Dan Morris’ pride as he smiles at his son and shakes his hand. Dan is wearing sunglasses in the photo. The dad in me thinks it is to cover his tears of pride.

      As a father, I can feel the pain he must now be experiencing for the sacrifice his son made for his country. There is probably anger, too, and, of course, the inevitable, “Why Taylor? Why my son?”

      As a citizen of the United States of America, I only hope that this country never forgets the sacrifice of this young man and all of the others who have died or left parts of their bodies or souls on battlefields in Afghanistan, Iraq or anyone of the countless other places we have found it necessary to send our sons and daughters to settle the disputes of their fathers.

      Apart from the thousands who have made the ultimate sacrifice of life defending freedom in Iraq and Afghanistan, there have been over 1,400 individuals who have lost a limb. Over 400 of them have lost more than one. This is’ in addition to the many thousands more who have been “simply” wounded.

      As an inmate in federal prison, I hear many men grumble daily about their loss of freedom. Perhaps they would jump at the chance to trade places with Taylor Morris.

      I suspect not, however.

      As a human being, I thank God for men and women like Taylor Morris who keep me safe in my freedom, even though I chose to abuse it. I can only say, “Thank you and God bless you and watch over you, Taylor, and everyone else who has served and sacrificed for all of us . . . even those of us in prison.”

      Like “Bubba” Sorenson and millions of others, I am grateful too.

God is my Cellie

On By Tony CassonIn Volume 32 Comments

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.”             – Psalms 23:1 NASB

“God moves in a mysterious way His wonders to perform.”              – William Cowper

God is my cellie.

No, I am not talking about that overweight, sixty-something man who snores in the bunk beneath me, silly. That’s Pete. Don’t get me wrong, I love Pete and he’s probably as good a person as can be found with whom to share a sleeping space that doubles as a bathroom as well. My personal habits are – hopefully – no more disgusting to him than his are to me. We don’t argue or irritate each other excessively. We both make an effort to be considerate of the other person’s need for space in an environment where there is precious little of it to let the other person have; and we both retire relatively early.

All of that said, let me turn once again to my other cellie. I am certain there will be some who will be offended at my little attempts at humor in an article concerning God; others will be offended that I am talking about Him at all; still others will blow off anything I say simply because they feel prison converts are a dime a dozen and our motives and sincerity are suspect.

That leaves the rest of you and I do hope there is someone left to continue to the end. No matter the words that I write, for the most part each one is chosen carefully.

Once again, I say, “God is my cellie.”

I am indescribably happy to be able to say that. I am humbly grateful that He did not allow me to enter this place alone. In spite of the relative safety of this particular institution, prison – even this one – is a lonely, scary place. It may not be for the most hardened among us, but for any with the least amount of civility and decency, it most certainly is. I do like to think I have retained a little of both. Were it not for God being close at hand, I cannot imagine what it would be like for me.

Contrary to what many may think, the majority of people who pass the wrong way through these gates of hell-on-earth are not converts to Christianity, or anything else for that matter. There are those living in freedoms who believe that many in prison lay claim to the discovery of God as a way of offering proof of their rehabilitation and their willingness to be involved in something uplifting and beneficial – even absolving to some extent. I would not argue that, for a few, this is the case. But I think the largest number of those seen with Bibles, making the walk to the chapel for services, partaking in Bible studies and participating in prayer groups within the individual housing units are sincere in their efforts to draw closer to the One who can truly help them change.

That said, let me just make the observation that, once a decision has been reached to move closer to God in prison, everything becomes more difficult. It is assumed by many that it is an easy thing to be a convert while incarcerated. The skeptics and the cynics would also throw in the word “convenient.” The simple truth is that, while many attempt to look to God for answers in here, actually making the change from a life of sin to a life for Him is complicated and frustrated by the prison environment, not enhanced by it. The one true benefit to pursuing a relationship with God while incarcerated should be obvious: the time available to spend in the quest for truth, peace and a renewed spirit for those who truly wish to do what is required.

Prison is an environment where the literacy rate hovers around 50% compared to the national average of 97%. The facilities, programs and opportunities to exercise one’s mind and one’s faith follow at a very distant second to those available for exercising one’s body or to entertain, rather than to educate or enlighten. The number of individuals taking advantage of recreational facilities far exceeds those seeking the mental or spiritual advancement of the library or the chapel. The number of individuals watching mind-numbing hours of mindless television; shows that only serve to point out the negative direction the values and morals of this country are taking, greatly outnumbers those trying to build a relationship with God or improve their minds. The number of people using their time to play card games, dominos, chess or role-playing games such as Dungeons and Dragons for hours on end dwarfs the number of those seeking answers that they obviously were not in possession of when they did whatever it was that earned them their passage here.

Those who do attempt to walk a different path than the one that led them here are faced with all of these “opportunities” to use their time differently. The urging of their friends to play ball, play cards, work out or watch TV is constant and vocal. For many, ‘going with the flow’ or ‘following the crowd’ is indicative of the behavior that lies at the root of their anti-social attitudes. Looking closely, one can see the efforts at change begin to falter. For some, being one of the guys is more attractive than being one with God.

Using my time differently than many others does not make me a better person than them. However, using my time to build a relationship with God does make me a better person than I was when I arrived. Unfortunately, even this has not lifted me as high above myself as I want to be. You see, in addition to those legitimate pursuits that can cause one to lose focus, prison life is rife with less-than legitimate pursuits which can cause one to lose sight of the prize of becoming renewed in principles, morals, attitude and character.

Even though we may be working conscientiously to move closer to God and a new way of living our lives, prison is full of “opportunities” to wander onto the wrong path. Some will continue down that path once they have rediscovered it. After all, it was once very familiar to all who reside here. Others will retreat rather quickly and get back onto the new path they were following, apologizing to God and anyone else who will listen in the process. Giving in to temptation is always regrettable but it seems as if human weakness presents no greater disadvantage anywhere than it does in a place like this.

Prison presents countless ways to continue the lives we may have led on the outside. Stories abound throughout the country about gambling, drugs, alcohol, pornography and other illicit activities that can be found within prison themselves, that can keep one at or below the level they were when they arrived here. All of these things and more make moving towards being a better Christian more difficult in prison rather than less. It is true that just as a doctor can be found amongst the sick, so can God be found amongst the sinners. Unfortunately, the devil is here as well, trying to retain those already in his ranks and to add to them if at all possible.

Recently, I succumbed to temptation in my job and was found to be doing something I had no business doing. My job was cold, wet, sometimes hard, but I liked it and it paid well by prison standards. But then stupid stepped in and I was caught removing something from the kitchen that was not mine to remove.

The exact specifics are unimportant. They are recorded as a blemish in a file I had hoped to maintain blemish-free. Suffice it to say that the result was costly. Of course, the highest cost was not the resulting loss in “grade’ that dropped my monthly pay to about $20.00 from its high closer to $100.00, although yes, that does sting. No, for me, the higher cost was the blemish. The higher cost was in the loss of the little bit of trust I had earned and the occasional sign of respect I was shown for the job I had done.

The higher cost was the disappointment I engendered in myself that I could travel so far down the right path and still find the wrong one so close by. The higher cost was in lowering myself to a level I had no desire or need to visit.

The ultimate cost was in needing to ask God for forgiveness after falling into temptation rather than asking Him for the strength to resist it in the first place. It is a comfort that His forgiveness is always available, yet it is an irritant that I always find myself in need of it.

I will offer no excuses, for I have none. There is no one to blame but myself. If I attempted to excuse my behavior by claiming that I simply joined a “game’ -that many others were playing, I would only be admitting to being a lemming headed for the cliff’s edge with all of the others.

I could make light of it and just shrug it off as most are prone to do. After all, did I not just say it was a game? I will resist that particular urge, though, and say instead that what I will do is use the opportunity to continue my efforts at transformation. I will continue to pray, to read God’s Word and to seek his wisdom. I will look for the doors that open when others close and ask Him to point me to the one that best serves His needs. I am certain only good things will come of it all.

That is one of the benefits of claiming God as my cellie.

He will help me get back those things I lost. He will also help me to stay in His “game” and no one else’s. As “I said before,

Pete is a pretty good guy and makes a decent cellie. But God is the best cellie I could ever ask for. And I doubt Pete would have a problem with that statement.

Now, to those who think that it is easy to get close to God in prison, I say, “Think again. It is not easy at all. But it is logical.”

To those who think humor is inappropriate, I say, “Nonsense! God created humor.”

To those who doubt His existence at all, I say, “For 40+ years, I was right there with you! Thank God He didn’t hold that against me when at last I needed Him and called out to Him!”

And to all the rest, I say, “Thank you for putting up with me.”

I would like to leave you with a poem written by Steve Marshall.

It is a prayer, actually, and I thank him for it:

 

A PRAYER FOR CAGED BIRDS

A prayer for lost souls

Locked away

Who gaze through bars to

Greet the day.

And bless the coming

Of the night

When dreams of freedom

May take flight.

With walls as far as

They can see,

Their minds are filled with

All things free.

Watch over them please

Keep them well

And lead them safely

Back from hell.

“Giving A Voice To The Victims: The Voices Of Disappointment And Anger”

On By Tony CassonIn Giving a Voice to the Victims2 Comments

 “Shame and dishonor were his flags, and self loathing was his constant companion.”     – James Lee Burke; “Feast Day of Fools”

“Remember it is a sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.”                               – James 4:17 NLT

Many of us serving prison sentences for not using our freedom in a way that honors ourselves and our families have foolishly – and selfishly – exposed those we love to the same shame and dishonor we have branded ourselves with. We have also made them victims of the sins we have committed, while at the same time making them unwilling and unwitting accomplices to our crimes.

In addition, we have forced them to shoulder a disproportionate amount of the burden for our wrongdoing through simple guilt by association. While we languish in the purgatory of prison, their lives continue in the real world. While our lives are held in a static state of suspended animation, their lives move forward on a daily basis. While many of us try to explain our behavior to ourselves, our families are left trying to explain it to the world in which they live.

A great many men I meet have strong family support. While some have lost everything and everyone that used to make up their former lives in freedom, many more still have their families and friends solidly behind them offering words of encouragement and support.

They are to be commended for that and we who are the recipients of the genuine goodness of their hearts should all take note that the debt we owe them can more than likely never completely be repaid.

While they function unwaveringly as brave defenders of our tarnished honor and smile encouragingly for us, let those of us who are blessed enough to have individuals who are that strong fighting on our behalf, never forget that we have disappointed them. We have let down those who love us; those who need to look up to us; those who reach for us when they are uncertain, afraid, need help making a major decision or just tying a shoe.

In many cases, anger accompanies the disappointment, but far too often the anger is kept from those of us whose behavior triggered it in the first place. The consideration for the feelings of those locked out of society’s sight is another attempt by those who love us to “protect” us and to try to shield us from unpleasant realities that we created.

While this is a touching display of the lengths to which love will go, this is not what is needed.

What is needed is for those who are disappointed and angry to make sure that the one who causes them to feel this way is aware of it. Of course the offender must also be reassured that he is still loved and still supported. But the negative emotions created must not be borne only by the incidental victims.

What is needed is for those incarcerated to reflect on the disappointment and anger they have caused in others and use it ‘as a catalyst for change within themselves. This will ensure that whatever caused them to violate the trust of their loved ones and the laws of society will not be repeated.

What is needed is for society to recognize that the system we use to punish those who commit transgressions against it also punishes everyone who is a part of that individual’s life, so we must exercise caution that the prosecution of an individual does not become the persecution of a family, as is so very often the case.

What is needed are prosecutors and judges who see not just the offender but the twenty-year-old daughter of that offender who takes an overdose of drugs or alcohol and lays down on the side of the road in what turns out to be a suicide attempt that is foiled. Her pain over what is happening to a father she loves momentarily overwhelms her, and this is how she reacts to his absence. (This happened to the daughter of someone I was incarcerated with.)

What is needed is an awareness that another young woman was successful in the taking of her own life because she felt the stigma and restrictions placed upon her father by the sex offender registry were hers to bear as well and the burden proved to be too great. (This I read about in the paper.)

What is needed is for society to hear the cries, see the tears and share the pain of a young girl whose father is in prison and cannot attend her school play to share in her moment of happiness and view her in the spotlight of recognition. (This happened to a friend of mine’s daughter.)

What is needed is for society to experience the anguish of a loving grandmother who closes her letter with “I’m starting to cry now so I’d better end this letter.” (I read thise words written to another inmate.)

This, the most powerful nation on earth, must understand that locking up millions of individuals has a profound effect on tens of millions of innocent lives. There are better ways of dealing with non-violent offenders than locking them away and perhaps the citizens of this country should demand this from their elected officials.

This, the most powerful nation on earth, must understand that a year taken from a family can never be given back, so it is incumbent upon society – in the interest of true justice – to find other ways of correcting behavior.

The handing out of multiple year sentences for non-violent offences as if the years were a handful of Halloween candy must stop.

God Himself no longer visits the sins of the fathers on future generations.

Just who do we think we are to do exactly that?

“Prison, Part II”

On By Tony CassonIn Part II1 Comment

  ” ‘What do you want me to do for you?’ ‘Lord’, he said, ‘I want to see!’  “  Luke  18:41  NLT

  “I said to the man at the Gate Of The Year, ‘Give me a light that I may go forth into the unknown.’ And the man replied, ‘Put your hand in the hand of God. That shall be to you better than a light, safer than a known way.’  ”   Britain’s King George in a New Year’s message to his people at the beginning of World War  II

       I put my hand into the hand of God as I lay on the shower floor that was covered in my own blood. I have clung tightly to it ever since.

      I told the Lord that I wanted to see myself the way He sees me and He has lovingly helped me to heal the affliction that clouded my vision. He has allowed me to see myself finally as His child, His servant, His warrior.

      Today, I am able to look in a mirror without seeing the evil that had inhabited my body, consumed my soul, and transformed me into something less than God intended. I still see the scars on my neck, evidence – and reminders – of that bloody battle that was waged for my life. Looking at them, I am reminded of the pain that I had caused to those who loved me. Looking at them, I am reminded of the disappointment of those who counted on me to be a better person than I was.

      I am also acutely aware of how close I came to leaving this life as the broken, sinful person I had allowed evil to make me. But being the good Father that He is, God heard my cries of anguish and my plea for forgiveness. He saw me reaching out for His hand and it is because He is who He is that I am forgiven, that I am loved, and that I am able to sit here in this prison and consider to myself to be one of the most fortunate and blessed people on God’s earth.

      I recently passed the midpoint of my sentence. I look back in awe at the power of God as I examine how He has helped me to use the time here to build a relationship with Him that enables me to see in myself what He has always seen and use that person to serve Him and to glorify His name.

      I have tried to do for myself what no one else can, and what I would be unable to do were it not for the One who stands beside me, keeping vigil and offering guidance. Sin brought me to the brink of death. God caught my hand and pulled me back before I tumbled headfirst into the abyss and deposited me here. With God’s help, I have remained positive, tried to be productive, and tried to help myself and others understand that this should be viewed as the beginning, and not the end. Because of these things, I am able to look back and say, “Thank you, Lord. Now help me look forward and continue on exactly the same path.”

      As Paul said to the Romans, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord!” (Romans  6:23  NLT)

      I almost paid that high price. I am thankful that I was allowed one last chance to accept that free gift which is valuable beyond mere human comprehension.

      While this is far from being a horrible prison, any prison is a terrible place to be. However, to live without family, friends, and freedom does not have to change us for the worse. With God’s help, we can use the time to become better than we ever were before.

      One day I will be somewhere else. For the moment, I will continue to hold the hand of God and walk through Prison, Part II.

      I thank you all, and may God bless you and your families.

Battle Lines – A Song

On By Tony CassonIn Volume 31 Comment

 

When I walked  out the door, The Devil was standing there waiting;

With his dead, icy eyes He stared at me, anticipating.

I returned his cold stare  And I asked what he wanted to do;

He said I think you know  I have come all this way just for you.

I looked straight at him And I said I must ask you to leave;

You are powerless here  For it’s in Jesus Christ I believe.

He just threw back his head And he laughed then he looked back at me;

When I’m finished with you Your faith will be gone you will see.

(Chorus)

The lines have been drawn

 It’s to Jesus I’m sworn

To the Lord I’ll forever be true.

I will fight to the death

To my very last breath

I will never surrender to you.

With the battle lines drawn I’ve taken my stance, I’ll not waver;

With the armor of God The odds are all stacked in my favor.

The ice in his eyes Was replaced with the fires of hell;

I have been there before I remember the pain very well.

We draw back our swords And we circle to start our slow dance;

My faith is so strong That the evil one hasn’t a chance.

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“Giving a Voice to the Victims: From Victim to Victor”

On By Tony CassonIn Victims - Their Stories2 Comments

“Be ashamed to die until you have one some victory for humanity.”  Horace Mann

“I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from Him.”   Psalm  62:1  NLT

      There are victims of child sexual abuse and there are survivors. And then there are the victors.

      It is evil that causes people to sexually abuse another person. It is evil that allows someone to steal a child’s innocence and claim it as their own. In a battle with evil, God is the only ally that provides us with any hope of victory. It is God and God alone who can provide the strength and love needed to enable a person who is confronted by evil to stand up and draw the battle lines and move confidently to victory.

      In today’s superficial world, things that mean nothing at all are glorified and the One who means salvation to the entire world is relegated to an afterthought. Many people are uncomfortable when the conversation turns to God for they have never fully relied on Him and experienced His power. When we decide to make a stand with God against the evil that walks this earth and preys on the innocent, we are able to confidently draw a line in the sand, look evil in the eye, and say, “Bring it!”.

      In this next installment in the story of her personal war against the evil that tried to consume not just her innocence, but her very soul, her identity, and her life, our courageous young friend moves from being a survivor to being a victor as she draws her own battle lines.

Her story continues:

I’m Possible                                                

     I’m a fighter. My story involves four options; to give up, to give in, to give it all I’ve got, or to give it all up to Him. The way I see it, to give up is to give in. To give it all I’ve got can be selfish, and to give it all up to Him seems impossible. But I have to stop there; even the word “impossible” is contradicting because it says “I’m Possible”. The fourth option is the reason why I’m alive today. Not alive in a physical sense, but alive in spirit. I’m a fighter. I’m alive. I’m possible.

     To give up. My mindset for the longest time after the abuse. If I failed at being perfect at any task, I’d give up right away. My life seemed to lack purpose. To me, my body was physically there to be used as a sex object and nothing more. To give up was easy as I walked through life with no self worth and no value – except for what my body was intended to be used for. Most times I had myself beat before I even had the chance to find the strength inside to not give up. In complete honesty, I thought daily of giving up totally. To give up on life seemed way better than the hell I was being forced through. But something, no not something, someone kept me going. I fought an every day battle of even wanting to push forward to the next day. My body was a temple for God. Intended to be used to honor Him and the life he has blessed me with; but how could I not give up on that when my temple was destroyed, not by choice? How was I supposed to not give up when it seemed as if He gave up on me? I fought. By giving up, would believe in the lie that God did this. That God gave up on me. To give up would be letting Satan win. To give up would be to give in to the torture I was put through. I’m a fighter against that lie. As I got older, I wanted to make it evident that I would not give up, I would stand and stand strong. To give up was not an option.

     To give in. During the abuse I was made submissive. In every act done or manipulated into doing, I gave in. It was my fault, I was guilty, I was blamed for being too easy. I gave in to those lies. It later affected my everyday tasks and daily routines. I’d be undeceive, unable to make decisions for myself, and easily conformed into the person people wanted me to be. I had no backbone. I couldn’t stand up for myself. I gave in to all the lies of believing I was ugly, worthless, guilty, not good enough, and so much more. I fought every day to build courage. To build confidence to not give in; like I was a branded cow. I was only good for producing one or two things for my “master”.  Every time I would give in, that something, no not something, someone saved my cognitive thought process and fought for me. I fought to find strength to develop my own identity, one separate from the one I unwillingly gave into. To give in was weak.

     To give it all I’ve got. Well that’s just unreasonable. Sure, ultimately it is my physical and mental strength to give anything I do my very best. But that is not MY doing. This is exactly why I failed myself on so many occasions. I believed it was all me. As a Christian from a young age, I wondered how could my strength to fight this every day battle come from God, when he did nothing to help me when I was crying out to Him silently in fear? The pain I felt was mine not His. The tears I cried myself to sleep with, fell from my eyes, not His. The body that laid there absent-minded was my six year old body NOT His. The fear I felt, my feeling, not His. This phase I went through was all me. It was my battle, my emotions, my body. Every day I gave it all I got. Admitting this I could slap myself for but I will give it all I’ve got because and for Him. To give it all I’ve got can be selfish.

     To give it all up to Him. I didn’t give up because, He persevered. I didn’t give in because He fought for me. I gave it all I’ve got because He gave me strength to fight for the next day. The previous phase I went through was the biggest lie I could ever lead myself to believe. Sin was committed against me, Christ’s love was used for me. I wasted so much time blaming God for allowing the abuse to happen to me. But little did I know at that time, that God did something to protect me because He kept covering me with restored purity and new spirit to face another day. Every bit of pain I felt, broke His heart too. The tears I cried, He paid the price for by the blood that covered our sins; even the sin committed/used against me. The body that laid there on so many accounts, was His temple. He knit me together in my mother’s womb. My body is His. Its intended to worship Him, made perfect in His image. He too felt every wrongful act done against me. The fear I felt was heard through my cries but I was too hurt to hear his gentle whispers to “be still, know that I am God, and that He was there for me”. I’m a fighter because He fought for me. Now its time for me to fight for Him. To give it all up to Him is not impossible. I’m Possible.

     Since I eventually sought after God and talked to Him about what he already knew, I found a renewed strength to fight back, reclaim what was lost, Become me.  I’m possible. I am able to look my perpetrator in the eyes and genuinely say I still love you. I am able to forgive him. I am able to tell myself that I am beautiful. I am able to have hope in a bright future. I am able to love unconditionally. I am able to stand up for my beliefs. I am able to be imperfect. I am able to fight for a better tomorrow. I am able to talk about this and spread awareness. I am able to do all these things because the great “I AM” is alive in me.

     I will not give up, because that is not an option.

     I will not give in, because that is weak.

     I will not give it all I’VE got, because that can be selfish.

     I will give it all up to Him, because it is possible.

     I’m possible.

     Thanks to my hero, my Dad, I was reminded that the only option is the fourth. Fight because He fought for you.

      This month is Child Sex Abuse Awareness month. I wanted to share this side of my story because it is something worth fighting for. I wanted to take the opportunity to look at God’s prevailing power in such a nasty part of our society and the statistics that are unfortunately true. There is good that can come from this. For anyone who is struggling with being a victim, you are not alone. Fight for another day, because I promise you, its worth it.

He is with you.

God is good.

I’m possible. 

You can be too.

Give all up to Him.