“God blesses those who mourn,
For they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4 NLT
“I dreamt the past was never past redeeming
But whether this was fact or honest dreaming
I beg death’s pardon now. And mourn the dead.”
Richard Wilbur – “THE PARDON”
To all who knew, loved, and will miss Ryan Loskarn;
Most of the world will quickly forget about Ryan Loskarn and move on to other things. You, his family and friends, will not. He will always be with you, and you will always remember him. It is my heartfelt prayer that each one of you remembers what it was about Ryan that touched those soft spots in your hearts. Remember him when he was helping someone; remember him when he was kind, caring, considerate, and compassionate; remember Ryan as a good person because I believe he was, indeed, a good person.
Since I have never met Ryan, how can I possibly know he was a good person? Through prayer, and God’s love.
I have prayed for Ryan, and for all of you, since I first learned of his arrest. While the volume of my tears upon hearing of Ryan’s death, and the intensity with which they were cried, can in no way compare with the tears of all of you, particularly Ryan’s parents, the tears did flow. They still flow when I think about the words he wrote in the letter he left before he pronounced a death sentence upon himself. It was a death sentence I understand all too well, as I pronounced one upon myself when the FBI came to arrest me for similar reasons. Through the grace of God, I survived that brutal assault upon myself, sparing my children and other family members and friends what you are all going through now.
In the words Ryan left behind lie the ability for anyone who has a heart filled with God’s love to see the goodness that was Ryan Loskarn. It should be easy for anyone to discern from those words that they were written by a kind, loving, sensitive individual. It should be as equally easy to picture a man who was ashamed, embarrassed, lost, and confused; not some monster trying to escape the penalty society was about to impose upon him. I believe Ryan was trying to escape himself. He couldn’t have liked that part of him which evil had seduced. He didn’t love himself, so he was unable to see the love others had for him. He couldn’t see the love God had for him. The evil which had seduced him blinded him to the fact that those who truly loved him would have continued to do so. It also blinded him to the fact that his life was not over; it was going to change drastically, but it was not over. The evil that seduced him blinded him to all of that, plus the knowledge that God loved him and could have saved him.
Ryan could only see that his immediate future was in the arena where those who committed the sins he committed are regularly thrown to the lions with little or no regard to who they really are as people, or how they had become so completely and utterly lost. There is no thought given to fixing a problem which drags this nation farther and farther into the sewer on a daily basis, wreaking havoc and scorching the earth behind it. There is nothing resembling intelligent dialogue to address a problem which destroys lives; the lives of those seduced by the evils society allows to enter into our homes unimpeded, as well as the lives of those whose only ‘crime’ was to love them. I am not forgetting those children Ryan so powerfully and emotionally apologized to in his letter. But for the moment, this is not their story because their lives are not the only ones affected in all of this. They deserve better than they are getting from those who claim to be ‘protecting’ them, but more on that later.
Irony sometimes delivers tragic consequences, as evidenced by the fact Ryan’s political savvy likely played a role in his decision to end his life. He knew only too well that the political stages used by many of those seeking public office are built upon a foundation consisting of lives destroyed unnecessarily and with increasing frequency resulting from our policy of pursuit and prosecution rather than prevention. In far too many cases this policy creates the opportunity for evil to seduce those they will later destroy and use as part of the stage upon which they will stand and boldly state “I am protecting America’s children!” Hard to vote against someone who is doing that. But in his heart, Ryan MUST have known all of that was nothing more than political grandstanding; his knowledge of politics and those who played that brutal game assured his awareness of the fact it was all pompous, political puffery designed to garner votes; he suddenly found himself face to face with the fact he had inadvertently contributed to the out-of-control machine which would now label him as a monster. But Ryan Loskarn was a good person, and he knew it. He KNEW the problem was NOT that he was a monster. In his heart, Ryan knew that these same individuals who were clamoring for photo-ops on the backs of tragically destroyed individuals and their families were the ones who allowed the REAL monster into our homes in the first place.
Ryan’s death was preventable and this is what cause MY tears to flow the hardest. If our elected public servants (how many of them actually realize they are there to serve us?) had been serving the needs of America and acting in a truly responsible manner in the PAST, Ryan Loskarn would still have a FUTURE. If the peer-to-peer programs which Ryan mentioned, which deliver so much filth into our nation’s homes, were held responsible for their content or removed from the internet altogether; if Congress was more concerned with saving the lives of this nation’s citizens rather than incarcerating them under the ridiculously and irresponsibly offensive and vulgar banner they fly of “Protecting Our Children”; if America’s citizens would demand that its representatives do their jobs rather than simply do what will get them re-elected, Ryan Loskarn and many, many others would still be alive.
Would Ryan still have problems dues to the abuse he suffered as a child? Of course, but if we can all try to understand that the issues plaguing Ryan were not unique to him; if we can bring ourselves to realize we live in an environment where our government and judicial system regularly stand UP for the rights of those who wish to flood our senses with filth and stand ON the rights of those who wish to promote decency, morality, and -are you ready?- GOD; if we can look at things with solutions in mind and God’s love in our hearts, perhaps we can prevent more families from suffering the loss of someone else’s ‘Ryan’ in such a heartbreakingly tragic and totally unnecessary manner.
God often provides us with opportunities wrapped up in tragedy, sadness, and loss. I know all of you loved Ryan for who he WAS, and could have, and would have, helped him make it through what he DID. Perhaps the tragedy of his death, the loss of his smile in your lives and the sadness of the utter senselessness of the whole situation regarding the events leading up to a young man finding it necessary to take his own life can provide us all with an opportunity to demand an explanation from those who offer nothing but the destruction of American families as a solution to a problem that reaches into more homes in this country than any of them would ever dare to admit. And THAT sad situation exists because Congress will not do what it CAN do to prevent it.
Nothing can bring Ryan back, and I know this. I pray for all of you who loved him and I ask God to help light the way to find the opportunities Ryan’s death can provide which might prevent other parents, friends, and family members from experiencing the pain you are all feeling now.
Ryan Loskarn, may God welcome you home and use you as a beacon of hope for all those similarly afflicted and feeling similar pain. May He show us all more mercy than we deserve, and help this country’s leaders understand the complete and utter futility of doing only that which is politically expedient as opposed to that which can actually help those they are elected to serve.