Tag: Federal prison system

“PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW – A CHANGE OF SCENERY” By Tony Casson

On By Tony CassonIn PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW – A CHANGE OF SCENERYLeave a comment

I didn’t sleep very well the night before my release (go figure). Poor Pete – my ‘cellie’ – was undoubtedly aware of my tossing and turning, to say nothing of my somewhat boisterous and frequent release of gas (nervous anticipation plus cabbage for lunch combined with that chili for the last supper equals, well, you get the idea). I’m not sure that ‘nervous’ is an accurate descriptive phrase, though. It was more a case of being flat out eager to meet the future and step out of the time capsule I had inhabited for 4 years, one month, and 20 days. I was excited to get a chance to demonstrate to everyone who was interested – be they incarcerated or ‘free’ – the full power of God to change us when we invite Him into our hearts and totally submit to His will. I was also chomping at the bit to put my faith in the Lord to work beyond the constraints of the fences and razor wire.

Finally, after bouncing up and down all night, looking out the window of our cell door, and praying, praying, praying for patience, our cells were unlocked about 5:10 AM. I took my last shower in the showers I had cleaned for 2 years as my second ‘job’ in the prison, finished getting ready, and looked around the 7’x11’ space I had occupied for the previous 4+ years, over 3 ½ of them with Pete as my roommate.

My locker had been emptied by the end of the previous evening, my little mesh carryon bag was ready to go, and I went downstairs to find a couple of people waiting for me that one normally would never expect to see at that time of day: “Big Bad Billy Bo-land” (ok, he really prefers to be called Brandon, he’s not real big, although he does need to lose some weight, and he’s not what I would consider bad at all; I just made that name up for its alliterative value and because it was very ‘prison’ sounding) and Stanley, my very first prison ‘cellie’, had made a special effort to get up and see me on my way. It was a gesture which was greatly appreciated. Due to an unforeseen power outage related to exterior security, we were subjected to an ‘emergency’ lockdown the night before, a full 30 minutes earlier than normal. Because of this, I had not completed my ‘rounds’ of farewells. I did not get to see Joseph, David, Brian, Dan, and several others for that one last time and I felt bad about it, but didn’t feel I should go around waking everyone up. Perhaps they will read these words and know that I wanted to tell them ‘goodbye’. They should all also know they will all be on my mind, and in my prayers.

Emotions ran high that morning, as they had the previous evening. When one asks God to help them use the experience of incarceration in a positive manner, the act of leaving becomes bittersweet. Powerful bonds were formed over the months and years, and it is difficult to describe the conflicting emotions at work within us all. In spite of the emotions involved and the love that develops out of positive relationships in prison, the time does come when the door opens for each person and that person must go. There is no putting it off. No delays are allowed. The call comes for an individual to go to Receiving & Discharge (R&D) and off you go.

The call came for me at about 6:15 AM and I said a few hurried, absolutely final farewells, and proceeded to walk through the compound, barely able to resist the urge to run. (There is no running on the compound, unless it is on the rec yard, but believe me, the urge WAS there!). Reluctance to leave was quickly turning into a need to leave. It was rapidly turning into focus on the enormity of the impending event. It was a very surreal moment and I felt as if I were merely skimming along the surface of the ground. In a few minutes, the BOP would be through with me, and I with them, and I would be on my way.

I arrived at the door and was dismayed that no one was standing there, holding it open, smiling in happiness over my release. OK, so that is not exactly true. I didn’t expect anyone to really care and I was not disappointed. The actual processing only took a few minutes. I discovered that a promise to pay me for the work I had done from the 1st through the 16th, along with the bonus my unit manager had indicated I would get as a parting ‘gift’, was not fulfilled. This was not financially devastating, but it was just one more thing to add to the pile of ‘things’ that made one wonder about the character, integrity, competence, and level of professionalism of the staff. In addition, there was a certified copy of my birth certificate and a new social security card in my file in my case manager’s office which I assumed would be given me, so I inquired about it. I was met with the response, “Didn’t you ask your case manager for it?” I could only respond with, “This is the first time I have ever been released from prison. How would I even know to ask? Shouldn’t it have simply been given to me?” I wrote down my sister’s address in Virginia and asked if he would please see to it that they were sent. In all fairness, I must say he was good to his word as they were actually received about 5 days later.

Lt. James was the lieutenant on duty, so he had to come make sure they were releasing the right person. He shook my hand and wished me luck. No one had shaken my hand for 4 years, leaving me to think staff was afraid they were going to catch something. Perhaps they would have caught something, but it would have been more along the lines of something called professionalism, respect, and raising people up. He also wished me luck and walked me out to the building I had entered on April Fools’ Day, 2010. They went through one last ‘verification’ procedure and then someone pointed me to a white Ford Ranger idling in the parking lot, and I went out the door. That act was every bit as surreal as entering the building 4 years earlier, but in a very, very, very good way!

No one stopped me, called me back, or paid me any further attention. The only person interested in me now was the inmate from the camp next door whose job it was to deliver me to the bus station in Lafayette. The bus station was about 90 minutes away and I was looking forward to whatever scenery the surrounding countryside would afford me. It proved to be a very pleasant trip through piney woods and fields used for growing cotton and rice. The inmate driving the pickup truck was ‘short’ as well, having only 23 days left before his own release.

My excitement built as we drew closer to the point from which my ‘journey’ would officially begin. The camp inmate’s final task was to escort me into the building and make sure I purchased a ticket (non-refundable) for the correct destination. I had prepared my sister for picking me up at the bus station in Richmond, Va. based upon the departure time of the 9:15 AM bus, but that bus was sold out. I had to purchase a ticket for the next one, which didn’t leave till about 1:30 PM, leaving me several hours to kill, and a problem to solve: How to notify Kathy, since there were no pay phones in or around the station, and I had no cell phone, of course. I asked the inmate if he would notify the officers back in Oakdale and he said, “They don’t care. They are done with you. You’re someone else’s problem now.

And with that, he was gone.

Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, control of my life had been handed back to me. For sure, it was not an absolute “I-am-in-charge-of-my-own-destiny” type of control. After all, I was expected to board the bus and report to my Probation Officer within 72 hours, but the control I did have was of mammoth proportions when compared with the lack of control I had had as an inmate at Oakdale FCI.

I had the same control over my life I had when I was expected to self-surrender 4 years earlier: I could not do what was expected of me if I so decided! I could run! I could flee! Fortunately, the time I had spent in Oakdale taught me many things, and high up on the list was the fact that I had spent a good portion of my life ‘fleeing’. It took some work, but I finally figured out that it was myself I was always running from, and no matter how hard I tried, I had never been able to escape me. Wherever in the vastness of this country I wound up, I was always there. Besides, fleeing would set the U.S. Marshalls upon me and I didn’t want to wind up facing Tommy Lee Jones in a storm drain trying to convince him I was a good person with him telling me that he didn’t care.

Nope, the best thing to do would be to figure out a way to call Kathy and let her know of the change in schedule, and proceed as planned. I wandered around in downtown Lafayette for a while searching fruitlessly for a payphone, and I finally gave up and walked back to the station. The man behind the desk told me to ask people to use their cell phone, but I felt really awkward about that. I finally got up the nerve to ask a friendly looking Hispanic man, and he turned me down. I have written about my past experiences with rejection, and I began to get a little tense, but I prayed silently (really, really prayed!) and tried another man who thought I was going to ask for a smoke at first, but gladly let me use his phone. I left Kathy a message, since it was only to be expected that she wouldn’t be available to answer. She called back right away, though, and he handed me the phone as soon as he saw it was a number he didn’t recognize. I gave her the new info, we chatted for a few moments, and then I hung up. I was considerably more relaxed now, and spent some time talking to the man whose phone I had borrowed. He worked on offshore oil rigs and had just come in for his shore time.

Many people wanted to know what the first thing I was going to eat was. What we envision and what constitutes reality are often two different things, as I have come to learn, and accept. What I wanted was unimportant. I actually went to a Burger King near the bus station and ordered a couple of breakfast sandwiches and a carton of milk. One of the sandwiches was the wrong thing, and the first mouthful of “ultra-pasteurized’ milk carrying an expiration date of a full month in the future was sour. Flat out spoiled. Maybe they weren’t aware that even though it was ‘ultra’ pasteurized, it still required refrigeration.

Welcome to the free world. Still, all things considered, it was the best-tasting sour milk I’d had in 4 years, and there had been plenty in Oakdale.

There wasn’t much I could do beyond watching the minutes, and the people, pass as I waited to board the bus that would take me miles away from here. I did buy a hot dog off of a cart outside the station as it got closer to noon, but I didn’t wander very far even though I knew when the bus was coming and could have gone exploring. I felt rather conspicuous in my cheap blue jeans and white golf shirt issued by the prison. It seemed as if I had this big sign on my forehead that announced who I was, where I had been, and the reason.

I began to pray in earnest for the patience to be calm, to be strong, and to be content. It would take all of that, and more, because my time was coming, and I hadn’t ridden on the bus in over 30 years. Like it had done me, time had changed the “Grey Dog” as well.

Honesty And Truth Are Not Proper Nouns

On By Tony CassonIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

by Tony Casson

“And when the scribes and Pharisees saw Him eating with the tax collectors and sinners, they said to His disciples, ‘How is it that He eats and drinks with tax collectors and sinners? ‘ ” (Mark 2:16 NKJV)

“A good honest and painful sermon.” Samuel Pepys

Honesty and truth can sometimes make us uncomfortable, and the words used to convey them are not always pretty words. In fact, although they are both nouns, neither ‘honesty’ OR ‘truth’ is a proper noun and, when wielded by Nadia Bolz-Weber in her book, “PASTRIX”, they will undoubtedly be viewed as IMPROPER nouns by some. Tertullian was a father of the early church who lived in the late second and early third centuries. He once said, “Veritas Non Crubescit”, which means “The truth does not blush”, and while the truth itself might not blush, the same cannot be said for many who might read this powerful book written by a woman who definitely does not mince her words.

Ms. Bolz-Weber’s picture adorns the front cover of the book and her image alone serves notice to potential readers that the journey they are contemplating is not going to be a mild one. The photo shows a striking woman with short hair and black plastic-framed glasses which lend her an air of intelligence even though her face is partially obscured by the fact she is looking down at her hands at the ends of heavily tattooed arms which are draped over her knees. She is wearing a sleeveless shirt which enables her colorful ‘ink’ to stand out in vivid contrast to the darkness in her clothing and the absence of back-lighting. One of the tattoos which stands out in particular is on her right forearm and depicts Mary Magdalene.

Mary Of Magdala is a good place to begin this ‘book review’ since she was the also the first person to see Jesus Christ after the resurrection. She did not recognize Him until He spoke her name, initially mistaking him for a gardener. In the book, Ms. Boz-Weber suggests that is the case for all of us; that none of us recognizes Him until He calls out to us. I suspect she may be right. Why Mary, though? Why select someone as flawed as she was to give the immense honor and considerable responsibility of telling others about the risen Son of God? Possibly because He was always a friend of sinners, those who were sick, those in need, and those who, like Mary magdalene, were beset by demons.

“PASTRIX” quite effectively takes us into the same places Christ went to do His work. The author plants us right in the midst of dinner at the tax collector’s house, only we are not at dinner, and we are not in Levi’s home. We are at the ‘House For All Sinners And Saints’ in Denver, Colorado, and Nadia Bolz-Weber is its ordained Lutheran pastor and founder. We are not in some pretty crystal cathedral or upper-class mega church. We are in the trenches, right where Jesus Christ went to go to work, and where many people begin their own search for Him. In the pages of “PASTRIX” we become witnesses to many living examples of how to find forgiveness in an unforgiving world; how to find acceptance and love while all around us the meanings of those words seems to have disappeared or have been forgotten; how to reconcile some of the things we read in the Bible with the way our human hearts, and minds, often differ from those things.

Some may think Ms. Bolz-Weber’s use of profanity and earthy colloquialisms are overdone or gratuitous, but if those who are easily offended can grit their teeth while opening their eyes, hearts, and minds to the MESSAGE of this rough-talking, soft-hearted warrior for Christ, the benefits derived from the experience will far outweigh any inconvenience, discomfort, or perceived damage which may be suffered by the reader. Those words which MIGHT offend, far from being gratuitous or unnecessary, actually act as a powerful hammer with which this passionate woman drives her message home.

“PASTRIX” introduces us to several members of the Home For All Sinners And Saints ‘family’, and when we get to know some of them better, I can hear books being closed, along with the minds and hearts of those closing them, but I implore you all to hang on till the powerful, emotional ending before rendering your final verdict. Some will remain unmoved and convinced the journey was a mistake, but there WILL be those who will be ‘on-your-knees’ thankful they read it in its entirety.

I once wrote another ‘book review’ in these Chronicles about a book called ‘not a fan’ by Kyle Idleman in which I warned my readers that the author makes us uncomfortable as we are led on a search of our hearts to see if we are truly committed followers of Jesus Christ, or, simply, cheering fans sitting on the sidelines. In similar fashion, “PASTRIX” makes those who read it uncomfortable as well, and the author’s choice of vocabulary has little to do with it. The REAL discomfort begins as we slowly discover the depth – or perhaps, shallowness is a better word – of our understanding of what Christ did NOT say.

Jesus Christ said, “Follow me.” (Matthew 16:24)
Jesus Christ did NOT say, “Follow me when you feel up to it or have time, or it is not too much trouble.”

Jesus Christ said, “Love thy neighbor.” ((Mark 12:31)
He did NOT say, “Surround yourself with people you are comfortable with, smell nice, and make enough money to suit you, and love only them.”

Christ said, “Do not judge others.” (Luke 6:37)
He did NOT say, “It is alright to look down on others to elevate yourself as long as you go to church with like-minded individuals each Sunday.”

He said, “What you do to others you do to me.” (Matthew 25:40)
He did NOT say, “If you don’t like the way someone looks or smells, treat them with disdain and ignore their pain and I will overlook it when you stand before me in judgment.”

He also said, “Do as I have done to you.” (John 13:15)
Again, Jesus Christ did NOT say, “I treat everyone with love, kindness, mercy and grace, but YOU are free to treat them however badly you wish.”

Jesus Christ was not afraid to rub elbows with the unwashed, the uneducated, or the unhealthy. He loved those He walked and talked with during His time as a man among mankind. Heaven is most assuredly a perfectly beautiful place to see and in which to live the eternal lives we are promised by God, but while the physical appearance of OUR world is breathtakingly beautiful – as it was intended to be when God created it – the sickness, poverty, pain, and the ugliness of sin that afflicts mankind has given us an unbelievable ability to make that beauty here on earth almost impossible to see. “PASTRIX” teaches us lessons that cannot be learned by avoiding, being embarrassed by, or offended by honesty and truth as brought to us by Nadia Bolz-Weber. She helps us to strip away some of that ugliness and see that there is beauty in there. She has been called upon by God to get down in the trenches, roll up her sleeves (well, if she HAD sleeves!) and help those she finds shed that ugliness and see the beauty God placed inside THEM. In the writing of “PASTRIX” she takes us along and lets us see some of the people who need help finding God inside themselves, and allows us to accompany THEM on their journeys to that discovery. The journeys are not always pleasant, but they are always REAL.

Sara Groves is a favorite Christian singer of mine and one of the songs she performs is called “The Boxer”. I was listening to that song the other day and, in my mind, I could almost see Nadia Bolz-Weber and Jesus Christ in a boxing ring with gloves on, side by side, slugging it out with pain, addiction, homelessness, unwelcomeness, unforgiveness, poverty, hunger, hypocrisy, sickness, and sin – and winning. I get this crazy mental image in my head of her leaning against Christ after the last bell, both of them bloodied and battered, her tattoos glistening with sweat, and I can hear her as she looks up at the face of Jesus and says, “Damn, that was a hell of a fight!”

I have a pretty good feeling Jesus would not disagree with the message or her delivery of that message.

Many of the individuals highlighted in “PASTRIX” are seriously flawed. When the last page is turned, we could very well be left wondering if the very first person Christ reveals Himself to upon His return just might be someone from the House For All Sinners And Saints.

Seriously. Read this book.

(And check out the paperback version of MY book “TODAY IS….A Gift From God” at http://www.createspace.com/4718409)

This Woman…A Gift From God

On By Tony CassonIn Friends and Family3 Comments

by Tony E. Casson

“Many will say they are loyal friends.
But who can find one who is truly reliable?” Proverbs 20:6 NLT

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive,
and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” Anais Nin, The Diary Of Anais Nin

God rarely announces His gifts with a lot of fanfare, as evidenced by the gift of His Son, whom He sacrificed in order to offer Hope to the world.

Shortly after arriving here at Oakdale FCI, a friend of my sister – a person I had never heard of, let alone met – sent me a note of encouragement written on a card which had a verse taken from the Bible printed on the front. That card arrived quietly and without fanfare, and while it was appreciated, it certainly was not viewed at the time as being anything beyond a nice gesture which required me to remember my manners and send a note of thanks by return mail.

The name of the woman who sent that card is Diane Woodall, and while I did not view this unknown person as any sort of gift from God at the time, the relationship that was begun when Diane first put pen to paper and reached out to another human being has blossomed into the most beautiful friendship imaginable, and her placement into my life could ONLY have come as a gift from God as evidence of His grace and His indescribable ability to attend to even the minutest details of our lives if we only afford Him the opportunity.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord.’ They are plans for good, and not for evil, for a future and a hope.'” This quote from the Holy Bible, Jeremiah 29:11, was the message on the front of that card. It has occupied space above the mirror in my cell since it was first received. It is my personal assurance from God that the insanity which precipitated this period of incarceration is over, and the future is at hand. They are words that have kept me focused on God and the task before me of building a relationship with Him that is enabling me to become the human being He intended me to be when He first gave me life.

The card itself was an introduction to the woman who would grow to become the best friend I have ever had. Quietly, unobtrusively, and totally devoid of fanfare, God gave me the gift of a stranger’s Christian love which has guided me, kept me company, and helped me to take confident steps toward His promise of a future and a hope.

I have written – and wadded up for the wastebasket – several attempts to continue beyond this point. There is so much to say about this person who has given so much of herself, her time, and her money to type, print, mail, copy, research, edit, redo, reprint, recopy, remail, advise, consult, console, and correct. Hundreds of hours and hundreds of dollars spent lending support to a very, very broken man as God walked him through the process of healing, restoration, and renewal. And for what? Because God dumped me in her lap, and said, “You need to help this person.”

There is so much of what I have been able to accomplish that would have been extremely difficult, if not outright impossible, without her invaluable assistance and devotion. She took over the management of these “Chronicles” some time ago and she was utterly irreplaceable in completing “TODAY IS….A Gift From God” (my book of daily devotionals on Kindle, for those of you who haven’t been paying attention). I literally shudder to think how much less I would have achieved here without her friendship. I am leaving here eager, confident, and prepared to face the future, and a very large part of my ability to be that way is directly attributable to her.

When I expressed reservations about going back to the state of Florida, Diane quietly investigated a possibility which has recently become reality. In May, upon my release from this place, I will be heading to Washington, DC rather than the sunshine state of Florida. Some may view this as a step in the wrong direction, but I can only say the reasons why this is the greatest blessing I have ever received are numerous, and I am completely overjoyed! I humbly offer thanks to God and all of those who helped make it happen! I will be taking up residence in the Central Union Mission in downtown Washington (www.missiondc.org), and I will be participating in programs to help me continue to grow in my relationship with God, and I will be immersed in an environment of service to others. An environment I believe is one God Himself chose for me. Don Woodall (Diane’s husband), is very involved with the Mission and provided the link to Reverend David Howard, who is the director of the Spiritual Transformation program at the Mission. My sister Kathy spoke with the person who will be my new Probation Officer upon my release and was able to gain approval for the transfer, which will also serve to place me close to family members. Did I say I was blessed?

In making this move, I will be able to learn how to follow Christ OUTSIDE of this prison, and I will be able to focus on a life of service to other people. I have learned many valuable lessons while in prison. Some directly from God, through the Holy Bible; some from reading what others have written as daily inspiration in devotionals such as “Streams In The Desert”, “Our Daily Bread”, and “The Upper Room”; and I have learned many valuable lessons from the friendship of Diane, and the willingness of her husband and Reverend Howard to lend a hand to a stranger. I have prayed, meditated, walked and talked with God, and through it all, I have thanked Him for His gift to me of this person who is as important in my life as any person has ever been. Rising above all that I have learned is this: We can do the most to help ourselves, when we reach out to help another. You see, folks, this is what God intended all along. It’s not complicated or difficult.

Diane Woodall helped me to learn this, and other, valuable lessons and I am forever grateful. No one person has ever exhibited such kindness to me. It is an amazing thing to think about, and I do think about it often.

For those of you who think it is impossible for a severely broken human being to undergo a complete, and total, spiritual transformation, you simply do NOT know God! And for those of you who don’t believe that friendship, kindness, Christian love, generosity, and selflessness can contribute mightily to that transformation, you simply do NOT know Diane Woodall.

Diane, my dear, dear friend, may God bless each and every one of your days and show you the love, kindness, and compassion that you have shown me, increased 10, 20, 30…..a HUNDRED times!

Man Imprisoned, Man Freed.

On By Tony CassonIn Release1 Comment

We are steadily approaching what will hopefully be my dad’s release from Oakdale, and many days I consider the journey. I admit, I smile.

Many years ago there was a man who did what he could. He had a house, some work, a son and a growing relationship with a long-lost daughter. He had dreams of creating. He had many things that, when stacked against the idea of imprisonment, were considered highly favorable. But because of delusions, these conditions were contaminated.

Several years ago there was the same man. Still with a son, and a rocky but existent relationship with his daughter. He barely had a home, and he had recently lost his parents. He fixed and cleaned filthy objects and was once attacked by someone while working, but he had a job. He lived in a sunny environment, albeit amidst financial poverty. He had dreams of improvement and then of creating. And still, when stacked against the idea of longterm imprisonment, he had some favorable conditions. But because of delusions, these conditions were contaminated.

A few years ago there was the same man. But imprisoned. Cut in many ways from the world outside an institution built for punishment; a place that, when stacked against the outer world, had terrible conditions. But because of a release from delusions, these conditions were purified.

For those of you wonderful readers who have followed this story over the weeks, months, years, you see it too. For those of you new ones, you will see it soon. You will feel, “Which of the men were imprisoned, and which of the men were freed?”

When I consider my father, I am not disturbed by his situation as others may think I am — have thought I am. Ordinary appearance reveals a human being who had freedom and was then locked away; ordinary appearance reveals ugliness and sadness. And yet there is neither ugliness nor sadness.

There remains only beauty and joy and hope and inspiration. And internal freedom for a very worthy individual.

“(IN)JUSTICE IS BLIND” by Tony Casson

On By Tony CassonIn (IN)JUSTICE IS BLIND1 Comment

“God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice,
for they will be satisfied.”
Matthew 5:6 NLT

“Extreme law is often extreme injustice.” Terence (Publius Terentius Afer)

“Volenti non fit iniuria”. Translated, this anonymous Latin legal maxim means, “To a person who consents, no injustice is done.” On the surface, this sentiment indeed has merit, for its broad meaning is that injustice can only occur when decent people do not speak out to prevent it. But this is 2014 in the United States of America, and INJUSTICE has permeated our justice system, filling it with the overpowering stench of corruption, the foul odor of personal ambition, the fetid funk of irresponsibility, and the sour stink that accompanies egregious abuse of power.

Last week, an incoming inmate was escorted by a friend of mine, to his new ‘residence’ in one of the housing units that was the farthest away from the Special Housing Unit (SHU) from where the individual had been released. He was brought into the unit and ‘shown’ where he would set up housekeeping within the unit. As it turned out, the bunk originally assigned to him was an ‘upper’. Nothing unusual so far. Just normal stuff. Except for the fact that the new arrival, Ronald Breaux, age 68, of Raceland, LA, has been BLIND for 27 years and had recently been sentenced in federal court in the western district of Louisiana by one Judge Haik, to 13 years in prison for possession of child pornography. The fact that Mr. Breaux is blind was not allowed to be introduced into the proceedings. In fact, it was ruled by Judge Haik as being ‘irrelevant’ to said proceedings.

I think I have said all I wish to say for the time being. I will leave it in the hands of those who read this, and anyone they can reach out to, in the hope that someone will raise a voice of protest and indignation. I encourage you all to investigate and decide for yourselves: “Can America sleep safer at night knowing that a blind man is in prison?”

On second thought, perhaps a better question is, “HOW can America sleep at night knowing that a blind man is in prison?”

“I AM DEFINITELY NOT A FAN OF JESUS CHRIST!” by Tony Casson

On By Tony CassonIn NOT A FANLeave a comment

“I AM DEFINITELY NOT A FAN OF JESUS CHRIST!”

When we look at ourselves in a mirror, it seems that most of us are not 100% satisfied with the image reflected back at us. This is evidenced by the inordinate amount of time we spend in FRONT of one, determining what needs fixing or improving, and by the truly exorbitant amounts of money that are spent buying products to change, color, or cover-up those things which we have deemed to be less than perfect in our eyes.

I would like each one of us to consider, for a moment, the amount of time WE spend in front of a mirror, and the various routines and rituals that we go through each day, sometimes several times a day.

So much concern, so much attention, and so much worry, and every bit of it is focused on something that is merely a protective wrapper for those parts of the human body that ARE important and DO carry significance in our lives. Sadly, many of us are far too concerned with thinking about the wrapping paper to the exclusion of thinking about the gift.

The human heart is one such gift. It is a gift from God of immeasurable worth on many levels. Without God’s gift of a heart, none of us would even be able to STAND in front of a mirror, least of all be concerned about what we see there. Although I understand that there are many individuals who are extremely health conscious and watch what they eat, make sure they exercise properly, and do not place unnecessary burdens upon their heart by ingesting tobacco, alcohol, or drugs, far too many of us take its physical function for granted and hardly give its care and maintenance any thought at all.

While the physical functioning of our hearts is vital to our very ability to live on this earth, the role our hearts play in our spiritual lives is vital to our ability to follow Jesus Christ to our promise of an everlasting life in the Kingdom of God. You see, the heart was not placed within our bodies merely to move the blood through our veins to carry oxygen to the other components of our bodies. The heart is mentioned prominently throughout the Holy Bible as being a critical part of our ability to be who God wants us to be.

Our brains are an incredible and wondrous creation of God which give us the ability to think, talk, see, process information, learn, teach, and so on, but our hearts enable us to exhibit all of the traits that comprise our humanity and define us as children of God. Our ability to love, to be patient, compassionate, kind, generous, humble, considerate, caring, gentle…..all of these things and more come from the heart. How do we know this? Because it is in the Bible. Jesus Christ Himself said, “Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle of heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:29 NLT).

How about that? Jesus Christ Himself said that humility and gentleness come from the heart. He also said, “God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God.” (Matthew 5:8 NLT). But not only does Jesus tell us how our hearts can help us to be like him, and how they can help us see God, He also tells us how to LOVE God: “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.” (Matthew 22:37 NLT).

David, who was considered Israel’s greatest king, wrote, “I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart.” (Psalm 40:8 NLT).

These are just a few of the many references that are found in the Holy Bible that demonstrate the important role played by our hearts in our spiritual lives.

So I ask these questions of us all:

How much time do we spend examining our HEARTS? Do we spend anywhere close to the same amount of time looking for flaws, weaknesses, and imperfections in our hearts as we spend looking for those things in our faces and bodies?

Not too long ago, I came across a book written by Kyle Idleman, who is the Teaching Pastor at Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky. The title of the book is “not a fan.” (the lower case and use of the ‘period’ is exactly as the title appears on the book), and the question that Pastor Idleman asks, which comprises the basis for the entire book, is: “Are you a committed follower of Jesus Christ, or are you just a fan?”

Pastor Idleman’s work is more than just a book. It is a finely crafted tool that can be put to work by everyone who is willing to exercise honest introspection and perform a complete examination of that precious gift from God – the heart. The book itself will tend to make many of us a bit uncomfortable at times, but as the case for Christ is presented, Pastor Idleman leaves no question as to exactly WHAT it means to BE committed to following Jesus.

The title of this article may have been disconcerting for some of you, but after reading ‘not a fan.’ and using it to perform a thorough examination of my OWN heart, I can honestly and emphatically state that “I am most definitely NOT a fan of Jesus Christ! I AM a committed follower!”

Since I determined that I am, in fact, committed to following Christ, was the time spent reading the book time that could have been put to better use? The answer to that is an emphatic and unequivocal, “Absolutely NOT!” The book was a valuable tool that assisted me in my self-examination. It acted as the mirror with which to view my heart, and provided me with the ability to see what my strengths were, and where I needed to work, grow, and change.

You see, it is important to understand that being able to say that we are committed to following Christ does NOT mean that we are perfect or that there is not room for spiritual growth or improvement. In fact, “not a fan.” makes us AWARE of our imperfections, which is necessary because then we are forced to focus more intently on Christ as we look to His perfect example as a model for our own lives.

As I devoured page after page, I began to see the path that I am on with greater clarity and understanding. I discovered that, not only was I following Christ, but I realized that He had been actively LEADING me for quite some time. As I looked back to that moment, over 4 years ago, when I first put my eyes upon Him and said, “I can’t do this anymore. I need your help.” I saw that He had been leading me along the path He wanted me to take and He did it by leaving what I can only describe as “Spiritual Bread Crumbs” for me to follow.

As a crucial part of my own self-examination, I looked for evidence that I was, indeed, following Christ. Looking back over those years, I could see that those “Spiritual Bread Crumbs” I had been picking up had left a clearly delineated path. That path stretched from where I now stand, all the way back to the hospital bed in which I awoke the day after God saved me from myself. I am aware that there are probably those who love me who think that it is best that I just forget about my attempted suicide and move on, but oddly enough, that attempt to end my life actually signifies the BEGINNING of it. (Author’s note: For more information regarding that suicide attempt, please refer to previous articles under the heading of “Evil Is Seductive”, which began in August 2010 – http://mediarow.com/oakdale-chronicles/2010/08/evil-is-seductive-part-i/ ).

Unbeknownst to me at that time, God began immediately to leave those ‘crumbs’ for me to pick up as He moved me in the direction He wanted me to go. Shortly after arriving here at Oakdale, He revealed a plan to me. I refer to it as my “Jeremiah 29:11” because that particular verse from the Bible says “For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’” (NLT). It was an ambitious plan of service to others and I have focused on that plan almost daily since it was revealed to me. I did not initially understand HOW I would ever get to the point, financially, where I would be able to DO what I envisioned, but I knew in my heart that the steps to bring that plan to reality would be determined by God in His time. God shows me where to place my feet by leaving another ‘crumb’ for me to pick up. My goal is to be ever vigilant to watch for them and be sure to pick them up.

Walking along His path, I constantly discovered the next person, the next book, the next idea, the next thought, and the next article for these Chronicles; I have written each of the 366 daily devotionals for “Today Is….A Gift From God” with plans to publish it as an e-book in December; each and every detail and experience is another ‘crumb’, and each one of those is, in itself, a gift from God. Following Christ is not just a casual stroll through the park. It is the discovery of oneself and one’s purpose in life.

After reading the book, I discovered that the chapel library had the “not a fan.” DVD series, which was designed for small study groups. I watched the series with Richard Roy, with whom regular readers of “The Chronicles” should be familiar with, and we spent considerable time ‘walking the track’ discussing the impact and importance of all that we had read and watched. The DVD series brought the book to life and creates a potent and effective combination with which to define one’s relationship with Christ.

“not a fan.” helped me to see what I most likely knew all along, but was too unsure of myself to say out loud. It IS, after all, rather frightening to live the way that I lived for over 40 years and then feel oneself actually DIE and become a different person. It’s an impossibly wonderful feeling that is met by skepticism, doubt, and wariness by many who have not experienced it, or who might have known me in the past and find it a significant stretch of the imagination to accept my ‘rebirth’.

“not a fan.” did not create the experience for me, but it was a phenomenal tool in helping me to define it, clarify it, and improve upon it.

Where do we go when we follow Christ? The path for each person is different, but they all lead to the same glorious everlasting life with God when our journey through this life has drawn to a close.

I am 60 years old, yet I feel that I have just now BEGUN my life on this earth. It is exciting to know that death can lead to such a rewarding life. I thank Kyle Idleman for helping me to see clearly that I am most definitely NOT a fan of Jesus Christ! Let him help you as well.

I also thank God. I thank Him often, and I thank Him with humility, love, and joy.

God bless you all, and thank you for your time.

“TODAY’S GIFT” by Tony Casson

On By Tony CassonIn Today IsLeave a comment

Time for another excerpt from the upcoming book, “Today Is….A Gift From God.” Today’s devotional is from May 22.

TODAY IS…

a terrific day to pray for others. 

“I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me.”  Romans 15:30 NIV

Prayer is a gift from God. It is the ability to communicate directly with Him and seek comfort, ask for help, and – hopefully – to give thanks to the One who makes so much of value available to us. It is an opportunity for reflection, and a way to ask for guidance and direction in our lives. Prayer is also the first place we should turn when we are confronted with temptation. And we will be confronted with temptation.

But prayer is also a great way to fulfill the Lord’s instruction that we love one another and look out for one another. We can accomplish this by using prayer for the benefit of others.

Asking God to help us heal in times of great sadness or sorrow is perfectly alright, but asking God to help someone else find the strength to deal with a terrible loss or tragedy is a great way to help someone at times when we may feel unable to do anything. God can get to places in a person’s heart that we cannot, and He loves to hear our voices imploring Him to help.

We also need to consider the many people throughout the world that we don’t even know who work tirelessly, sacrifice much, and risk their very lives to share the Word of God with others so that they may experience the joy of a life that has been changed by knowing, and accepting, Christ Jesus.

In their struggles to spread the Good News, these brave men and women need our prayers of support. Just as Paul reached out to those who believed in his day to pray in support of his struggle, we should all pray for the many thousands who continue that struggle today.

There are many good reasons to pray. Our personal problems are among them. But it is also a beautifully Christian thing to take time to pray for all who need God’s help.

*******

IN KNOWLEDGE LIES THE POTENTIAL FOR CHANGE by Steve Marshall

On By Tony CassonIn Inmates - In Their Own Words2 Comments

By Steve Marshall

One clear and present function of any law is to punish the wrong-doer.  But a secondary characteristic of equal importance is for the law to serve as a deterrent to others; a warning against breaking that societal covenant.

I am one such wrong-doer, currently serving a seven and a half year sentence for breaking a law. I foolishly engaged in the downloading and trading of online child pornography. It stands as the single most careless and stupid act of my lifetime.

Let me state upfront that I blame no one else for the shameful actions that led to my downfall. I knew I was breaking the law and I did so anyway. We live in a world where we are held responsible for our actions and I accept full culpability for mine.

But while I was aware of the illegality of my activities, I had no concept of the extent of the consequences; of the price that I would have to pay; both legally and personally, for breaking the Law.

Since the advent of the internet, the number of arrests for possession of child pornography has skyrocketed. The offenders cut across all strata of society. The stereotype for this charge is the predator or pedophile and without a doubt there are many arrestees who fit this profile. But among those presently serving time for this offense are those who simply had too much time on their hands, those who were merely curious or those who like myself, took a perverse delight in violating society’s taboos.

Speaking for myself, there was no thought given to the continued exploitation of innocent children through the circulation of these heinous photographs. I stupidly regarded this as a victimless crime.

After all, these children had no way of knowing that their images were being viewed, right? Wrong! Each time an arrest is made and a photo identified in the FBI database, the government sends a letter to the subjects in the picture notifying them that they have been viewed. Some of these unfortunate people, many of whom are now well into their adulthood, have received hundreds of these letters.

Here is another common misapprehension: We are all anonymous on the Internet. Wrong again! Each computer has an IP address that is easily traceable. Finding you is no problem at all for police and the FBI.

I cannot help wondering how might I have behaved differently had I been exposed to some of the harsh realities of I what I had become involved in; the full nature of the dangerous game I was playing and the consequences that awaited me should I be caught.

For these reasons, it seems to me that the effectiveness of child pornography laws as a deterrent would be heightened greatly by an aggressive campaign by the Justice Department to educate the public on the realities of child pornography through newspaper ads and public service announcements on radio and television. Toward that end, I have written such a PSA which I offer gratis to the Justice Department:

VIDEO AUDIO
A man is seated in darkness, his face illuminated only by the ambient light of the computer screen before him. As the announcer speaks, the CAMERA pushes slowly into him.

 

A set of bars slides from right of frame to left.

 

The camera settles on a close-up of the man’s face through the bars, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

 

 ANNOUNCER: Child pornography is against the law. Yet, since the innovation of the Internet, arrests for this crime have risen 2400 percent. You are not anonymous on the Internet. If you are engaged in this activity, we will find you. We will arrest you.  And you will be sent to prison for anywhere from five to twenty years. SOUND EFFECT: A jail door slamming shut.

 

ANNOUNCER: A message from the United States Department of Justice.

 

I can state with absolute authority that had I seen such an announcement, I would have been scared straight.  If there is genuine interest in stemming the rising tide of Internet child pornography, I recommend a vigorous, intensive and narrowly focused program of public education. It will prevent the further exploitation of children and former children who have seen their lives tainted by sexual abuse and the recording of it on film; and it will prevent others from following in my misguided footsteps down a road that brings only shame and ruin.

 

Resetting My Life Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Prison

On By Tony CassonIn Inmates - In Their Own Words3 Comments

by Steve Marshall

      First, let me stress that the title is a joke. I couldn’t resist the temptation to parody the 1964 classic film, “Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.” In truth, I love prison about as much as I love the bomb.

      Actually, this is about how I arrived at the unexpected realization that I accept being a prisoner and embrace the fact that I am where I need to be. This is the story of how I arrived at this surprising crossroads.

      When I was arrested on April 15, 2009, it was a sudden and immediate wake-up call; a punch in the gut that informed me that my life had gone seriously off the rails. Like many people in a similar situation, I became painfully aware ‘that I had lost sight of my moral compass ‘ and that my spiritual cup was bone dry. I tried to address the problem by joining a traditional Christian church. But with each’ passing Sunday, I realized that, for me, this was not a comfortable fit.

      You see I am, by definition, an atheist. Most Judeo-Christian theology strikes me as magical thinking. My life is informed by science, logic, provable fact and natural law. Having said that, I must add that I have the greatest respect for the beliefs of others. Whatever gets us through the circuitous maze that we call life and provides us with strength, wisdom, comfort and a sense of direction is ‘aces in my book. Let’s face it – no one has the facts. All we have is what we believe to be true. In that sense, each of us has his or her own personal truth.

      So where does an atheist go for spiritual enlightenment? In my case, the answer lay with the Unitarian-Universalist Church.  You see, the U-Us have no dogma of their own. In fact, they offer classes in the world’s religions, urging us to seek what makes sense to us. Take something from Christianity, ‘something else from Buddhism, add a pinch of Judaism or a dash of Hinduism and let simmer. It is, in effect, “Build Your Own Theology.” The principle goal and purpose of Unitarian-Universalism is to lead us in the direction of becoming better people. I knew after attending my first service that I had finally found a spiritual home.

      But when t came to be locked up in a’ remote Southern prison, I discovered that they offered no Unitarian-Universalist services. In fact, they had never heard of either faith (the Unitarians and the Universalists merged in the 1960s), even though both have existed for hundreds of years. So what was I to do? How was I to continue this spiritual journey?

      Happily, I found more than one person in my circle of remaining friends who were Unitarian-Universalists and were willing to download the sermons of U-U ministers from a number of different churches and mail them to me. I keep them in their own envelope and withdraw one each Sunday to read and digest. I have come to think of myself as “A Congregation of One.” Someone very close to me (a U-U, of course) has even started a blog with that as a title, posting excerpts from the letters that I write after reading each sermon.

      Most of the sermons provide interesting and engaging food for thought. But occasionally I’ll come upon one that is a real life changer. Such was the case on Sunday, January 12, 2013 when I read a sermon titled “Want What You Have.” My first reaction upon seeing that title was that I was probably not going to connect with this sermon’s message. After all, what I have is three and a half more years of living in a federal prison. Who could possibly want that? Well, never judge a book by its cover nor a sermon by its title.

      This particular sermon was based on the works of Rev. Forrest Church, the former minister of All Souls Unitarian-Universalist Church in New York and a religious scholar of some renown.

      As I began to read, I was informed that “Rev. Church had written an essay which bore the title “Want What You Have” when he was in the end stages of his life, suffering from terminal cancer. I was taken aback with this news as I stopped reading to consider how anyone could advance such an idea – want what you have – when what he had was a virulent disease that was killing him. I read on and soon realized that I was myopic in my grasp of Rev. Church’s message. His thesis challenged me to look at the bigger picture and see that what I had was more than just a life in prison. What I had, in fact, was an unparallel opportunity to learn and grow.

      When my life deteriorated to the point of leading me to become a convicted felon for the first and only time at the advanced age of 65; the one thing that became blindingly clear was that I was in serious need of a mid-course correction. My problem was so serious that it would require much more than a simple fix. I needed to have my entire life reset.

      In order to achieve a reset, I needed to go back to square one; to lose my home, my family, all of my possessions; my freedom itself.

      I must confess to the fact that I had become a master of the dubious art of distracting myself from any meaningful contemplation that might result in my becoming a better human being. I had my giant screen television, an endless stream of movies and my beloved iPhone, which ensured that I would never again have to endure another nanosecond of boredom. I had the Internet to take me anywhere I wanted to go, including the most degrading and debasing places possible. All of these things conspired to sap away my basic humanity. And then, in the blink of an eye, it was all gone.

      The biggest loss, of course, was my marriage and the love and esteem of people who meant everything to me. Some of those relationships survived; others did not. Some of the people whom I loved to the depths of my soul are lost to me forever. But a reset can’t always be pretty. It can come with a very high price tag. It doesn’t happen in a day, a week” a month or even a year. It takes time, patience, attention and a fierce desire to be a better person than I have ever been. I finally have the time and motivation to focus laser-like on that goal. The seeds ‘for this reset were sown the moment I first stepped into the U-U church while I was still under house arrest. The work has continued at a steady pace ever since.

      I have almost reached the midpoint in the six and a half years that I must spend in federal custody. I know to a certainty that I am already a better man than I was on the morning of April 15, 2009. But I still have some distance to travel before I will be who I want to be – the man I always thought I was. That’s who I want to become.

      I am a work in progress.

      I am grateful for the time, energy and motive to become that man. That is the immutable gift that has been given to me.

      So.   Do I want what I have?

      Absolutely!

“GOD GAVE US EYES” by Tony Casson

On By Tony CassonIn Uncategorized7 Comments

God gave us eyes to see the things
He placed throughout the land;
To appreciate the beauty that
He made with loving hands.

He gave us eyes to see the sun,
The moon and all the stars;
To stare in awe and wonder
At creations near and far.

God gave us eyes to see the trees,
The petals on a flower;
And with these eyes we all can see
God’s majesty and power.

God gave us eyes to help us seek
A husband or a wife;
He gave us eyes to see a child,
The miracle of life.

With these eyes, it’s possible
To see all that He’s done
To make the world a perfect place
For daughter and for son.

But these eyes have obligations
To fulfill for fellow man;
To see the pain and hunger
And to ease it if we can.

To see when someone’s hurting
And to help their sorrow end;
To see their need for nourishment,
To see them as a friend.

God gave us eyes to recognize
The need to spread His Word;
To see the need to witness
And embrace all we have heard.

God gave us eyes to see it all,
But our eyes were just a start;
God’s great Wisdom also gave
That thing we call a heart