Richard’s Corner

On July 14, 2011 By Tony CassonIn Inmates - In Their Own Words1 Comment

(Ed Note: A periodic posting to TOC, by Richard Roy)

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)

Smile, today is the first day of the rest of your life. –Inane 1970’s bumper sticker

A fellow inmate recently shared with me that his life is over. He is 52 years old and feels that if he dies he would be better off; he has nothing left to live for.

A “Pollyanna” would try to point out all the positive aspects of life: People care and would miss him no matter what he had done. A Pollyanna would probably mention the wonderful things in life that are still left to do and see. It would be a sincere yet futile effort. I’m not a Pollyanna so I helped him look for a rope. Just kidding, we don’t have rope in prison. You have to rip up a bed sheet.

But the conversation did spark a thought in my head; these are rare so they tend to stand out: what will we be upon release from prison?

A painful series of additional thoughts, ideas, and questions, followed, painful for the effort required. I’m a notorious procrastinator.

How did I get here? I mean, really? Prison? Me? Industrial Incident Investigators use a process called “Root Cause Analysis” (RCA). In working backwards from an accident it becomes clear the incident was no accident at all. Each event, circumstance, situation and decision led to a specific conclusion that is obvious in retrospect.

I am an amalgamation of my life experience by conducting a personal RCA. Every school, job, move, hobby, book read, movie seen, church attended, person met had a role in shaping who I am. Add other life events like marriage, children, births/deaths, vacations, divorce, and career change and I hope you see where this leads. No specific event caused me to do what I did to be where I am. Now add prison to the list.

People are not defined by a single event. To do so is to pre-judge and prejudice is unacceptable in our society. Realistically, though, there are those in our lives who allow a solitary event to affect their view of others. These people probably contribute little to our lives. What contribution they do make is most likely negative.

Those who cannot accept the new man, the current “me”, must go. The old adage of “You can never go home again” applies. Acquaintances of the past should remain there if they cannot accept who I am. I’ll never again be who I was. Am I worse off without them? Is Dominique Strauss-Kahn throwing parties for hotter maids? I am thankful for the time we did have, now I’m moving on.

I cannot do anything about what others think or believe. What I can control is my response and behavior toward others. To hinge my serenity on another’s opinion is to relinquish my life to their whim. I’m not willing to do that.

It is much more rewarding to accept who I am and surround myself with those who support the new me. English clergyman, Thomas Bayes, is credited with Baye’s Rule: Initial beliefs + Recent objective Data = A new and improved belief.

Blocking out recent objective data, feedback, prohibits me from developing improved beliefs. By opening myself to new information, I open myself to the potential of an improved future and a positive outlook. A positive support system around me sets me up for a positive outcome.

As a student of human nature it fascinates me to have people ask “why are you smiling?” “What do you have to be happy about/” I’ve even been accused of liking prison as if bad food and family separation was my goal all along. Negativity is such an accepted part of prison that a smile draws suspicion like Casey Anthony at a kindergarten.

Upon exit from incarceration, the average felon has lots of upside: a fresh start (able it with a handicap). Advantages include, low or no debt, new career, new friends, a chance to develop new habits, education, training, vehicle, home; a chance to do it right this time.

So here it is. The grand revelation (drum roll please, the crowd holds its collective breath). Stop fooling around and start acting like LSU Head Football Coach, Les Miles on Saturday night. Stop making excuses or looking for the approval of others. Find your passion. Make a plan. Execute. Live happy.

‘A Note of Thanks’

On July 14, 2011 By Tony CassonIn Volume 2Leave a comment

I would like to thank those who responded with gifts of NLT Study Bibles. To all of you: many, many thanks, they were all well received. To those who supplied their names:

Alan- My friend, God Bless You

Larry- Thank you, Brother

Sabrina- It’s been ages, and your edition was especially welcome by the man I gave it to. Drop me a line and let me know how you’re doing.

Again, thanks to all of you, I could still use more. Now that some people have them, others come up to me and ask if they can get one. It’s a beautiful thing. God bless you all for your generosity and your help.

Moving along, I apologize for such a gap, but I have been busy. Shortly, you will all see the beginning of a project I have wanted to do, and thanks to a very special person, I have finally started on it. The next entry will be entitled “Crimes and their Punishments”.

It is the first of a multi-part series on prison privatization and its effect on this docentry. It is a very complex issue that as I am only able to scratch the surface of but thanks to the hard work of my friend Dian, who I have never met, I was provided with enough research material to make a start at it.

Thank you all, and God Bless you,

Tony

Father’s Day Felons II

On June 16, 2011 By Tony CassonIn Volume 21 Comment

“A child is not likely to find a Father in God unless he finds something of God in his Father.” –Austin L. Sorenson

“My child, listen to what I say and treasure my commands. Turn your fears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding” – Proverbs 2:1-2 NLT

On July 15, 2010, my son posted something I had written called, “Father’s Day Felons”. That article was written, and posted, after Father’s Day and was a response to the day itself—my own thoughts and feelings, as well as my impressions of what those around me were thinking and feeling.

In that article I wrote, “ A Day that used to be filled with a tremendous amount of pride and happiness suddenly has become a day I will dread, each time it arrives, for as long as I am here.”

Well Father’s Day #2 is right around the corner and while I am pretty certain that most of the thoughts and emotions that I wrote about last year will still be at the forefront of my heart and mind this year when the day actually arrives, I must revise part of the statement I quoted.

I do not dread this Father’s Day. No, I do not dread it at all—in fact , I am EXCITED to see this Father’s Day approaching and I look FORWARD to Father’s Day 2012 because it will be the next to the last one I will spend in prison. My projected release date is about one month before Father’s Day 2014.

Last year I wrote about my pervading sense of personal failure that I felt in relation to my own two children. I still recognize that I failed them both miserably—and in many ways—but I still pray for their forgiveness, understanding, and love every day.

Instead of dreading the day, though, I will use it as a reminder of how a Father IS supposed to act and what a father is supposed to BE.

Instead of dreading the day, I look forward to it and will use it as a marker of time until the day when I can once again hold them and kiss them and tell them I love them with nothing between us but that slight bit of air capable of finding space between us.

On Father’s day in June of 2014, my children will be proud of me. That is my goal. That is my objective. If I cannot achieve that goal in the time I will have spent in prison, then I will have wasted that time and I refuse to do that for I have already wasted enough time in my life.

I have shorthanded enough people who wanted nothing from me but my time and my love and I’ll not deprive them of either of those things again. The Lord has gotten me from Father’s Day I to Father’s Day II and has enabled me to do it with ever-increasing faith, confidence, wisdom, and understanding. He has helped me learn that I am important to a number of people in this world and that it is incumbent upon me to be someone who can be relied upon and looked up to.

For anyone reading his who has a Father in a similar situation as me, being angry and hurt is normal and acceptable but it is also necessary to move beyond that and begin looking away from the past—which got us here—and to begin looking to the future. Which will move us forward.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish a “Happy Father’s Day” to two of the best fathers I know—my son’s stepfather, Russ and my sister’s husband Larry. I thank you both, individually for different reasons, but together for what you have in common—you are both top notch fathers!

And for all of the Father’s who will see this Father’s day pass from behind walls, fences, or wire—this will make it one less we all face in here.

That is something, anyway.

“Crimes and Their Punishments: the Goose, the Gander and the Little Old Lady”

On June 15, 2011 By Tony CassonIn Crimes and Their Punishments1 Comment

‘All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.’ George Orwell

‘ I have observed something else under the sun: the fastest runner doesn’t always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn’t always win the battle. The wise sometimes go hungry and the skillful are not necessarily wealthy. And those who are educated don’t always lead successful lives’ Ecclesiastes 9:11 NLT

Life is not equal, nor fair, but right should be right and wrong should be wrong and is shouldn’t matter whether it is a Federal wrong or a state wrong. Right?

Wrong. Not all state crimes are federal crimes and vice versa, but where they are similar, the sentences meted out certainly are most assuredly not.

As I stated in an earlier posting, I was robbed and beaten a couple of years ago and – in the ensuing court case against my assailant – was required to disclose my federal arrest for possession of child pornography to both the state’s attorney as well as the assailant’s attorney.

At one point, the state’s attorney told me that had my charges been state charges instead of federal I would have never gotten a prison sentence – I would have been given probation.

Unfortunately for me – and my family – it was a federal charge and probation is almost never an option.

Take the case of our ‘Goose’.

In a 24 May 2009 story found on www.signonsandiego.com, a federal judge sentenced a 68-year old Vietnam War hero to 37 months in a federal prison for possession of child pornography. This was less than the prosecutor was asking and more than the probation his lawyers sought.

The man was Wade Sanders and he was decorated with the Silver Star, Bronze Star, a Purple Heart, and other Navy Commendations during his service in Vietnam. He had much support throughout his ordeal including a character reference from Sen. John Kerry.

A therapist who had been treating him testified he was not a danger to children, and several mental health experts who examined him concluded he was not a pedophile.

When his seized computers were analyzed, they showed that he frequently viewed ALL kinds of pornography.

Now let’s ganger at the Gander. . .

From a recent issue of “Prison Legal News” we learn that in California on 28 Jan 2011, former Riverside County Probation Officer Elizabeth Z. Nolan pleaded guilty to a felony charge of unlawful intercourse with a minor.

As part of a plea agreement, 16 other counts – including oral copulation with an minor and rape by force or fear – were dropped.

Nolan was accused of having sex with a juvenile offender over a period of several months; at the time her husband was a Riverside County Prosecutor.

She was sentenced to ONE year in jail in February 2011.

TO RECAP:

Our Goose gets 3 years and 1 month for pictures, while the Gander gets 1 year for unlawful intercourse with a minor (and with 16 additional counts dropped).

Hmmmm. . . . .

It is not uncommon in the federal system for people convicted of crimes involving pictures to receive 6-10 -12-15 or more YEARS in federal prison. I’m not talking about those who profit from producing and distributing child pornography.

I am not – in anyway, shape or form – excusing my behavior or anyone else’s who views this material, but we DO need to stop and put things in perspective.

My own sentence was 51 months – one of the shorter sentences among the men with similar charges I have met here. Almost 5 years.

On June 17, 2010 in a Dutch court, five Somali men were convicted of attempting to highjack a cargo ship in the Gulf of Aden in 2009. “Piracy is a serious crime that must be powerfully resisted” said Judge Jan Willem Klein Wolterink.

He sentenced each of them to 5 years in prison.

It is not uncommon for people convicted on the state level of actual ‘hands-on’ crimes against children to receive lesser sentences than those meted out on the federal level for cases involving only pictures. Nor it is unusual – with increased levels of “good time credit” on the state level and the possibility of parole, which the federal government abolished in 1984 – for someone who actually molests or otherwise harms a child to serve 1/3 or even 1/4 of the prison time as that of a federal inmate serving time for possession of pictures only.

The same is also true in drug cases. Federal laws are stricter, with more mandatory minimums than most states. Yet even the states take up more bed space – and money – incarcerating non-violent offenders when violent offenders are allowed to roam the streets.

Most of the laws passed have been brought into existence with much fanfare on behalf of the legislator sponsoring the bill. This “tough on crime” stance can then be parlayed into votes come election time.

Actually, if you want to fight crime, it is necessary to fight 2 of its main causes – poverty and lack of education – am putting more people in prison for greater periods of time accomplished neither while draining valuable resources that could be used for both.

Is the American public any safer or are we just wasting money we don’t have? Is the average man, woman, or child really at increased risk in this day and age or has the media just used the saturation and sensationalization of isolated cases as a means to capture its audience and foment fear?

None of country’s prison policies make much sense, but those policies do make a lot of $$$$ !

The truth is that so many billions of dollars are at stake here that it is all about profits and votes.

There has been much written about the prison – industrial complex that has risen from almost nothing in 1980 to the behemoth it is today.

Although what I am capable of doing here is no more than scratching the surface, I will put together some statistics for next time which may cause someone to delve further into the whole problem on their own.

Perhaps it will be easier to understand how any talk of shrinking the prison systems raises the protective nature in people – not to protect you, but to protect their jobs, profits and stock portfolios.

Interesting stuff, indeed.

But wait!!

What about the “little old lady”?

According to USA Today, back in December 2009, a school bus stopped to discharge a 5-year old Karla Campos in Marietta, Georgia. The child was struck and killed by a car driven by an elderly woman who – apparently – panicked when she saw the bus and little girl and plunged her foot down on the gas pedal thinking it was the brake.

The purpose of the article in the USA Today was to announce that Edith Main Anderson, age 87, had been released from prison after serving 76 days of her 3-year sentence.

What in the world are we doing?????

“Crimes and Their Punishments”

On June 14, 2011 By Tony CassonIn Crimes and Their Punishments1 Comment

“The contagion of crime is like that of the plague. Criminals collected together corrupt each other. They are worse than ever when, at the termination of their punishment, they return to society.” Napoleon Bonaparte

“To reject the law is to praise the wicked; to obey the law is to fight them.” Proverbs 28:4 NLT

I have given thought to the idea of a series with this title for some time now. My thoughts centered on the notion that I would try to accomplish several different purposes as it progressed.

The first purpose would be to demonstrate, through various collected newspaper clippings and magazine articles, a disparity in sentencing for crimes in this country that is just too pronounced to ignore.

The second would be to raise awareness as to alternatives to incarceration that are available now and would be more effective, less costly, and less destructive to the family as a whole than incarceration, for it is important to note that the collateral damage to families that is a component of incarceration is beyond calculation.

This last purpose would be to establish how incarceration has – in the last 30 years – evolved into nothing other than legal slave-trading in the 21^st century, and how – while the cost to the taxpayer to support these intentionally draconian, and lobbied, prison terms continue to skyrocket – individuals and secret companies continue to pocket astronomical profits in ways that should be considered unethical at best, and illegal at worst.

Let me first say that I am not an advocate of lawlessness nor am I a coddler of criminals. I believe we must be a nation of laws, that people should be expected to abide by those laws and – if they choose not to – there must be consequences.

Individuals must stand up and take responsibility for their own actions. A growing part of the societal problem we face is that we have allowed ourselves to always seek excuses for our behavior, or sought out someone else to blame.

While supportive of me and certainly well intentioned – to say nothing or appreciated – the reader’s recent comments that I was too hard on myself and that the internet – as the devils playground – was to blame are way off mark.

In fact, this entire world is the devil’s playground, but simply because that is the case doesn’t mean that we have to succumb to all of the temptations placed before us.

The simple fact of the matter is that it was a lack of character and a life of living contrary to God’s basic laws of morality, decency, and respect that enabled me, over time, to descend lower and lower morality to the point where I was willing to romp in the devil’s playground.

Once someone has broken the laws of this nation, what should be done with them? That is one of the questions we will look at. Mind you, this is not a series about “sex offenses” exclusively, although they will certainly be included.

Rather, I hope that what is ultimately written – and read – here will help people see how ridiculously ineffective, immoral, immature, wasteful and self-serving our approach to problem solving is.

Perhaps some younger, sharper, more focused minds than mine will grasp a thread of truth from my ramblings and gather enough of that thread to weave a tapestry of insight into the fact that not only is the ruling class of this generation leaving them with the enormous burden of an incomprehensible and inexcusable government debt, but we are also locking people away for such lengths of time as to make them – upon their release – their problem as loser.

It is not only unfair, it is not necessary, and the unequal treatment of criminals can only serve to point out that something is certainly wrong and in need of repair.

Next time, we will begin by looking at disparity in sentencing and we will look at specific cases.

As an example, I will leave you with these two cases to ponder- one state, one federal.

Perhaps someone out there can tell me the thought process behind it all.

The State Case

On February 14, 2011, Beverly Hill, defense attorney Michael H. Inman pleaded no contest (same as guilty) to a felony charge of trying to smuggle 14.25 grams (1/2 ounce) of heroin into a Los Angeles County Jail where he was visiting two incarcerated clients.

The Federal Case

In Boise, Idaho a Florida man – Jeffrey Dickman pleaded guilty to a charge of guiding a deer hunt in Southeaster Idaho without a license and illegally shipping deer meat across state lines.

Their Sentences:

-The Heroin smuggler was sentenced to 120 days in jail and 3 years probation. He could get out in 60 days.

-The deer meat smuggler was sentenced to 18 months in federal prison. (Supervised release unspecified) He will have to serve 15 months.

Hmmm. . .

“You Don’t Speak Chinese to an Irishman”

On May 23, 2011 By Tony CassonIn Volume 2Leave a comment

“That must be wonderful I have no idea what it means”

-Moltere

“And if the Bugler doesn’t sound a clear call, How will the soldiers know they are being called to battle?” -1 Corinthians 14:8 NLT

Many people are skeptical when they hear of prisoners, who claim to have found the Lord while behind bars, but when one stops to think about it, what better place to find him than amongst sinners? Where else would one expect to find him than among these who need him the most? In fact, Jesus Christ himself said, “healthy people don’t need a doctor, sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent.” This is from Luke 5:31 1-32.

That said please, set your skepticism aside for a moment and believe me when I tell you that I see many men who use their time here to do just that; seek out the Lord, accept Jesus Christ as their Savior, and repent. I see them struggle on many levels, and it is one of those levels that is the subject o f Today’s plea for assistance.

A great part of the struggle lies in comprehension. I notice many of those who struggle with meaning are using the King James Version, which is a very popular version and one of the most readily available free to inmates. According to USA Today, 67% of American families, own at least one bible and 50% of those own a King James Version. Unfortunately, unless you are schooled in old English, understanding the KJV is a challenge for many people of average education levels (myself included).

To aid me in my own quest, my brother-in-law, Larry, sent me a “New Living Translation” (NLT) bible as well as “The One Year Bible” (NLT Version), when I first arrived here and I cherish both books. They have opened my mind and heart and have guided me, comforted me, and protected me throughout my incarceration. The New Living Translation is written in clear, contemporary English translated from the original Hebrew and Greek manuscripts.

Even so, I had other questions so I asked Larry for a study bible. He settled on the NLT “Life Application Study Bible.”

As it happens, there are a couple of versions of that particular study bible, one being what is causes “personal size”, which was the least expensive, which is what I chose. When it arrived, I found the content to be exactly what I was looking for, but the font in the “personal size” was intended for younger eyes. It was a challenge even with my reading glasses, so Larry ordered the regular version. Which left me with the smaller one to pass along. There was a fellow inmate who had asked scripture questions before, so I gave it to him and he shared it with others.

The next time Larry ordered me a book from Amazon, I also received, by accident, another personal size study bible. As returns are way too complicated in prison, I gave that one to the same inmate and asked if he thought other people might be interested in a copy. He said, “definitely”, so I told him I would see what I could do.

What brings us here: Anyone reading this has $20 or $30 and would like to make a positive impact on someone, please send me either a full or personal size copy of the New Living Translation Life Application Study bible.

If I receive just one, I have helped to make a difference. Any more than that would be extremely appreciated. They can be sent to: (this is the Amazon.com approved address)

Anthony E Casson

91153-004 Allen-1

Federal Correctional Institution, Box 5000

Oakdale, LA 71463

Should anyone send one, please drop me a line, or get me your name, so I may write a “A gift from ____” In the book.

If I have been overly verbose in arriving at this point I apologize, but that is me (smile).

I thank you all for reading the Chronicles and may God bless you all.

“And so, God willing, we will move forward to further understanding.” -Hebrews 6:3 NLT

The Faces of Felons – “A Face in the Sunlight”

On May 23, 2011 By Tony CassonIn Volume 23 Comments

“Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets”- Paul Tournier

“For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open, and every secret will be brought to light”- Mark 4:22 NLT

“Keep your face to the sunlight and you cannot see the shadow”- Helen Keller

“Enough IS Enough!”- My Mother

For over forty years I was not one who was willing to pray or to even talk about God. In order to do either, one must acknowledge His existence and the truth- In its simplest form- Is that I was too ashamed of my own existence to acknowledge His. For once the Lord’s existence is acknowledged, we realize we no longer have any secrets.

And I did have my secrets – I wanted my secrets.

That is until the day my secrets- alone with my blood- spilled from my body and I no longer had anything to hide, nor anywhere to hide it.

January 22, 2010

The white-haired judge James Cohn looked down at me from his elevated position behind “The Bench” in one of the U.S. District courtrooms in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. It was around 9:30am, I believe, on the day I was to receive my sentence after previously pleading guilty to possession of child pornography.

Judge Cohn gazed at me through his wire-framed glasses and when he had spoken a moment before; his voice was disconcertedly soft and gentle, perhaps even a little sad.

He had stated that he really was trying to understand how anyone could take pleasure in looking at pictures of children, nude or in sexual situations, and he was waiting for my answer.

Thankfully I was not required to stand because I don’t think I would have been able to. As it was my voice felt shaky and choked with emotion and tears seemed poised to spill from my eyes at any moment. All of the shame, embarrassment, sadness, and anger that had been directed inward at myself, and had caused me to pronounce my own death sentence, was there again.

Only this time there was an audience.

While the audience was a relatively small one, to me it loomed larger than the crowd the pope addressed on Easter Sunday at St. Peter’s Basilica. In actuality, There was the Judge, a Clerk, Court Reporter, a Bailiff or two, my Attorney, the US Attorney, and one of the FBI Agents. There were probably a couple of others as well, but with the exception of my sister Kathy, no one was there who wasn’t being paid to be there.

I was grateful to my sister for supporting me and coming down to Florida to be with me while we were pretty certain that prison was in my future, we didn’t know whether the Judge would allow me to “self-surrender” at a later date or take me immediately into custody.

At the same time that I was grateful for her presence, I was also painfully aware of her presence, as I was aware of the presence of all of the females in the courtroom. Mothers all, probably, and therefore the most difficult to rationalize this type of irrational behavior with.

I attempted to explain that, for me, it was not about child pornography specifically. What images of minors were contained on my computer were a small percentage of the “adult” images that I had saved.

Simply put, I was addicted to pornography, and it was a problem that was exaggerated by drug and alcohol abuse, and the internet. The problem certainly was not caused by the internet, but it definitely made it faster and easier to rise to new lows of immoral behavior.

Of the tens of millions of regular viewer of “adult” pornography (If I may use the term “adult” only in regard to the legality of it and not the maturity of it), most do not cross the line into illegal areas such as child pornography. Unfortunately millions do, and most of my 10 minutes or so of addressing the court were focused on trying to make those present understand, indeed, I wanted them to believe that I was not a monster, that I was not a danger to children, and that I was as horrified and unable to adequatively explain my behavior as I was certain that the behavior would never be repeated.

“Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief.” James 4:9 NLT

Well, there has been and continues to be, plenty of that as I look at myself, my family, our lives, and the lives of those around me who have double-clicked and downloaded their way into the middle of a nightmare from which it seems at times, that there is no waking from.

Yet there must be healing as well. There is a lot of healing needed in today’s too permissive society where the freedom to be immoral is more important than morality itself.

It is too easy to cross lines because we insist and demand that we are free, mature, and responsible enough to decide where those lines are and whether or not we wish to cross them.

I will be first to stand up and say, “I’m sorry. I obviously didn’t know what was right and what was wrong.”

I was broken and in need of healing and where does this healing come from?

For me, and many others I suspect, it comes from the same place that saved me from my own death sentence and now guides me on a daily basis.

The healing comes from God.

The bible says: “God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.” John 3:19-21 NLT

I do know this! With the advent of the internet, tens of millions of otherwise “normal”, “average”, people reside in a secret-filled dark world lit only by the glow of the monitor in front of them and inhabited exclusively by them and the object(s) of their fantasies in the space defined by the dimensions of that hypnotic glow.

Reality has faded into fantasy and fantasy has evolved into a nightmarish, surreal world of disaster and destruction for thousands upon thousands of individuals and their unsuspecting, undeserving families.

People need to step into the light eliminate their secrets, and ask God to forgive them and guide them to a life, and a future, with their families.

For myself, I certainly wish that the life, altering changes I have undergone had taken place at a different time and under different circumstance, but I was having too good a time dancing with the devil to see that God was trying to cut in. I have wasted a lot of time in my life and I have no desire to waste any of what is left on wishful thinking.

God will not change the past, but he will give ma future and a hope as he states in Jeremiah 29:11.

My friend Richard, who’s words you read recently, loaned me an excellent book on dealing with compulsive online sexual behavior caused, “in the shadows of the net”, by Carnes, Delmonico , and Griffin, 2^nd Edition.

It is an excellent source of help from those who need it, as well as for those who know someone who does. For now, I would like to quote some of the mind, numbing statistics found in it to underscore some of what I have said:

An estimated 72 million unique (meaning separate) individuals visit pornography websites each year
Approximately 25 percent of all search engine requests are pornography related
The average age of first exposure to online pornography is eleven years old
70 percent of teenagers report that they have seen pornographic images online
20 percent of all United States adults admit to having internationally visited a pornographic website
10 percent of adult internet users believe they are cybersex addicts
In 2006 there were 4.2 million websites containing pornography

It is important that I stress that at no time past, present, or future have I, do I, or will I excuse my behavior or the behavior of those in similar situations. I will say that my behavior regarding this does not, should not, define me as an individual even though some will assume it does. Sometimes though, as inmates we have a tendency to become indignant when we should be repentant, outraged, when we should be ashamed, and offended when we should be remorseful.

At the same time, I would like to point out what should be obvious, but apparently it’s not: we have become a nation obsessed with sex and instant gratification. For far too many individuals, when our computer is turned on our sense of morality and decency is turned off.

And while the “adults” are acting like adolescents, what are the adolescents doing? Watching, learning, and mimicking our behavior.

Case in point: In a recent USA Today “Around the Nation” piece from Seattle Washington, the following appeared:

“Prosecutors have charged two Issaquah Girls ages 11 and 12 with cyber stalking. They say they hacked another 12 year old girl’s Facebook page and posted sexually explicit photos and solicitations for sex. If convicted, the girls could be sentence dup to 30 days in juvenile detention.”

Watching. Learning. Mimicking.

We don’t need more prisons or more jail time in this country, we need more God.

“Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and He is the one to whom we are accountable.” Hebrews 4:13 NLT

The Faces Of The Felons – “Mothers”

On May 9, 2011 By Tony CassonIn Volume 2Leave a comment

“Next to God, we are indebted to women – first for life itself, and then for making it worth living.” Mary McLeod Bethune

“Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.” Robert Browning

“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” 1 Corinthians 13:7 NLT

It will soon be 3 years since my mother passed away.

I miss her smile: that glorious, beautiful smile which seemed to radiate from the very center of her being.

There are many adjectives I can think of to describe how she would have responded upon hearing of my arrest – and the reason for it. The one that comes to mind that would have been the most devastating to me would be – disappointed. My mother would have been disappointed in me and that would have made her cry.

Being the reason for my mother’s tears always got to me; it always fractured me a little; it always cracked the veneer of hardness I had allowed, over time, to grow over places inside that used to be warm and soft – friendly places.

Yes, my mother would have been disappointed, but in spite of that disappointment she would have ultimately set aside the pain it caused, wrapped her arms around me and told me the one thing a mother knows how to say better than anyone – “I Love You.”

Other than our incarceration and our gender there is only one thing all of those around me share in common; we all have a mother – whether in the flesh, or in our memories – to remember, reflect upon, and honor on the upcoming Mother’s Day.

Throughout prison compounds all across America, incarcerated artists have busily worked to create a supply of Mother’s Day cards to be “purchased” – with stamps, of course – and mailed to mothers everywhere to convey thoughts and emotions that don’t come easily to a great number of men.

Men who – perhaps lacking in education or the gift of prose – still wish to convey to their mothers that they do have the capacity for love and gentleness even if it is only allowed to be seen by the one who gave them life.

We must also honor those women who are the mothers of our children, especially those who are raising small children alone, enduring the hardships and the pain while waiting for the day daddy will come home and rejoin his family and reclaim his responsibilities.

Yes, our hats need to be lifted for the mothers and wives who fight our battles on the outside while we wait out our sentences on the inside.

These determined women make formidable warriors and are not to be trifled with. They form support groups to confront – and do battle with – legislators and legislative bodies on our behalf.

They are often overlooked and usually underestimated, but it is not a wise thing to do either.

Mothers are a powerful force because they represent love and no more powerful force exists than that.

My own mother is looking upon me from her place in the Lord’s Kingdom and while I know she is not happy with what I did, I know she is happy with who I am, and I can feel her smile shining on me.

Funny thing, though: she still has tears in her eyes, but these don’t upset me as I know they are now tears of joy.

I’ve never understood why she does that, but then, she’s a mother and that’s what mothers do.

On this Mother’s Day I say, “Thank You Mom,” and I also say thank you to the mothers of my son and daughter. I also thank God for each one of them.

And to all mothers everywhere – every day should be yours! Thank you, each one, and God Bless You!

“Year One

On May 9, 2011 By Tony CassonIn Uncategorized, Volume 2Leave a comment

“It is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.” Alexandre Dumas

“…instead give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life.” Romans 6:13 NLT

This past year has been spent falling into step with the Lord and learning to trust His wisdom and accept His love and grace. All daunting tasks, one would think, especially anyone who might know me and know how I have lived my life and conducted myself for the last 40 years.

I am a man now.

Not a better man, mind you, for I was far too immature, self-indulgent, irresponsible, impulsive, and immoral to dare call myself one to begin with.

It has been difficult, at times, to stand before you – most of you unknown to me – and peel away layers of myself to reveal what lay beneath.

It wasn’t always pleasant to see, and it was often painful to do, but I have felt comforted, and guided by the strong hand of God and I truly believe that my words have reached out to at least one person and affected a change.

All I have wanted is to feel that someone has stopped to think about who they are and what they are doing and caught themselves before their world collapsed and their life – and the lives of everyone around them – was forever altered in a truly horrific way.

It has been a year of giving thanks to God for every new day I have, for without His intervention I surely would have died on that lonely shower floor, washed in my own blood, to be buried in my sin and shame.

I found the best of years in the worst of all possible places and the joy of discovery of my manhood, my life, my love of God and my hope for the future at least partly made up for missing the feeling of my arms around those I love and living a “free” life.

For I know now that when my arms do – finally – embrace them, they will love who I am and will welcome this new person into their lives and their hearts.

And at that time I will really be free – finally free from the darkness I wrapped around my soul; and free of the inability to forgive myself for mistakes I have made; and free to love who I am.

And who I am is a child of God who once was lost but now has been found.

“The Faces of Felons: The Face of Richard – In His Own Words”

On May 4, 2011 By Tony CassonIn Volume 22 Comments

‘We pardon in proportion as we love” Frances de la Rochefoucauld

“For Love is as strong as death, its passion as enough as a grave” Song of Songs 8:6 NLT

What you are about to read is more about a triumph of love than the confessions of a man – much like myself – who got caught up in a moral breakdown of mammoth proportions.

His wife, his family, his friends; they all seem like remarkable people, but then, Richard himself seems like a remarkable guy.

Richard is blessed to be loved as he is, not all in here are.

But this is Richard’s face, and these are Richard’s words:

“Leaving you today is so hard”

These are the words of the first letter I received from my wife after I self-surrendered to prison. She described walking back to the care as wading through molassas. As I was cuffed, she said I smiled at her and she knew everything would be okay. Now I have to live up to all that.

When I was arrested I literally prayed I would die. But God doesn’t always answer our prayers the way we’d like. Shame, embarrassment, and self-loathing topped the list of what I felt sitting in the Sherriff’s Office hold cell. How could I have done something so stupid to put my family’s well-being in jeopardy? No good answer came to mind.

Throughout my arrest, I waited. I didn’t know what came next. The phone as broken, the holding cell would hold maybe 20 men: I stopped counting at 60. Body odor, vomit and only one temperamental toilet turned the wait into the type of punishment I felt I deserved. Fourteen hours in these conditions was a long time to contemplate one’s future when seemingly no good options exist.

Unexpectedly, they unlocked the cell and called my name. It was late at night but my wife met me at the gate to take me in her arms. Her words were “I love you, I forgive you, we’ll get you some help”. Me? I just sobbed.

I had no right to occupy one more minute of her life.

When we got home I asked Michelle to kill me. She told me she took all our guns to her Dad’s house before picking me up. I asked her to slap my face, kick me in the crotch and throw my sorry behind in the street. She told me to come to bed so we could spoon. No way was she letting me off that easy.

So where does this depth of love come from? Psalm 8:4 asks this same question of God: “What is man that you are mindful of him. . .?” Why should this woman shackle her future to the stigma of her husband the felon?

As I cool my heels in FCI Oakdale, I am coming to the realization my wife may be the most diabolical woman alive: she is holding me to my responsibilities as a husband, father, grandfather.

Three beautiful daughters, three grandchildren (plus one on the way), her parents, my parents, a whole host of loyal friends and one incredibly special woman are awaiting my release. The easy route is to cut the offending party loose. Not these guys. They expect me to come back home to make this right. God help me.

My name is Richard Roy and I thank Tony for this opportunity to contribute to his body of work.

The Oakdale Chronicles

Author: Tony Casson